Changes and transformations

We are in the midst of a season of change here in Toney.  It comes at us all around- children, cars and surroundings.  Change is good, change is hard, change is character building and makes me Christ dependent.  Some days I am overwhelmed and undone, some days I delight in the new possibilities.

Months ago I casaully mentioned to a friend that if they ever wanted to sell their well cared for Camry let us know.  we received a call last month and now own this car- a delight, a good change.  It answered the question of what to do with our "zippy" car- a nissan 240sx that the Mr has been falling into and crawling out of in an effort to save gas.  All that was good, the no a/c not so much.  Zippy is now on the market and we hope the man who longs for it enough to offer more than asking so that we would hold it will soon arrive and take it home. 

A few years ago I saw the writing on the wall that our time was limited with our older children.  Like a slow ticking clock the months and years have passed and the time of departure has drawn closer and come to pass for some.  This week our oldest will move out, thus leaving only one child at home.  We have rejoiced and cheered on some moves, others have been harder to bear, change can be melencholic - sometimes a high, sometimes a low.  We work on leveling out as each settles into young adult living on their own.  We settle into praying for each by name nightly around the dinner table as they spread to the north and south of the US and soon enough some will cross the globe to serve the needs of the soldiers and another may soon be a Marine on duty in remote places. 

As news of rooms emptying began my brain engaged in dreaming of new uses for spaces.  There was anxiousness for change, yet a desire to linger in what was at the same time.  Eventually it occurred to me that I could move forward in each season, as needs arose.  Last week a green room became blue- more neutral, calming and covering where each hole and freshening the space.  We anticipated a new resident to move in, but soon word came that the eldest was on his way to far off adventure and when choice was given the tan room with "cool lights" trumped the new blue room.  So the future guest room is now serving as a temporary room - the boy is like goldilocks as to which bed he will sleep in.  Last night we changed what has been the boys room for 6 + years into a living space.  Futon was installed, wall unit was turned and transformed into room divider and again transformed this morning into a quilt design wall on its backside.  Slowly pictures are going up and I am contemplating how each piece of furniture will work where and how.  Fun changes, simplifying, spreading out and giving dedicated space for interests to be pursued.  I continue to consider and dream of what is ahead for that space.  This weekend it will be the temporary guest room, next week it may well find itself to be my sewing space and a den....

So as I seek the feet of Christ to keep me soft and pliable, willing to embrace this season of change I find the adjustments easier.  When i center on me alone, the cracks come, the sense of loss is heavier, the joy is missed.  This is a season we knew would come, we hopefully prepared the kinder for, and there is much delight as they launch well.  There is delight in the changes we are int he midst of and the ones that lie ahead.  And i find that unexpectedly i am being transformed in the midst of letting go, of releasing, or trusting.  I guess that is the most unexpected part of the changes- i know they were happening, i just did not exxpect there to be change within. 

When did it happen?

When our kids are young it seems that some days last forever and we cannot wait for the evening to come, to tuck them into bed and slow down the pace of life for a few short minutes before falling exhausted into our own slumber.  Folks tell you that the years will fly, but in the midst of the busy seasons of parenting it is hard to see the pages of the seasons turning.

This week my girl turned 21.  Two years ago my first turned 21.  In two short years the next will become an official adult, though in our book he is already one as he is serving his country as a Marine.

As I look back over the years it is hard to know when my girl transitioned  from toddler to girl to teen and now a  young adult.  Was it after falling asleep on her lambie?  Was it after being frightened by her pirate brother?  After the tea party when she dressed like a young lady though still quite young?  After rescuing 100+ worms stranded by a rainstorm or splashing in mudpuddles?  Was it in the midst of a camping trip?  As she dreaded growing up or maybe as she accepted that she was going to grow up and began to pursue becoming a lady with a passion?

Perhaps it came about as she trusted her life toCchrist, reached out to others around her, began to cook and bake and learn to run a house?  Maybe as she joined her brothers in chores and became her daddy's girl yet retreated to good books when the work was done.  Maybe it was amidst school work and learning that she was ok with having curls and dressing to suit herself, and not another. Or perhaps as she looked to the future and began to dream?  As she stepped from high school into the work force, then moved on to college as her main time commitment?  In the midst of summers away, seeking freedom and independence and yet seeing God's provision and protection when she was sometimes not aware of the need?  Maybe it was on the river white water rafting or around a campfire or riding the backroads with fellow campers?  Maybe while traveling and she answered the call to adulthood at the phone booth on the side of the road along a trip while taking a picture? 

I don't know that any of us can pinpoint exactly when we transtition.  Ocassionally there is an event that helps us to move to the next stage of life.  I recall a walk up stairs that preceded a decision of love and movement into a new season of life.  Most of the time I arrive at a new season surprised to wake up and see that the season has changed.  So it has been for me in the past months.  All of a sudden the house is a bit quieter, the exit sign has flashed quicker than expected.  All of a sudden the days of children in the house is waning and we are seeing that which we anticipated come to pass.  The relationships become more precious and we cherish the interactions, as their future quantity is undefined. We adjust to the reality that change happens, that our job as parenting another child has changed to walking through life alongside another adult.

These days we have transitioned to the reality that our girl is no longer our little girl.  She has grown up.   As parents letting go is always challenging, all the more so when it is your first and only- may God bless the hearts of all the firsts and onlies, as we parents learn and make so many mistakes as we learn with them, they pave the way for the siblings who follow.  Our girl is now a young adult, we are learning to love in new ways.  We are learning to rejoice in new aspects of life.  we are learning to step back and allow life lessons to occur, no longer rushing in to intercept a fall and kiss away boo boos, though in our hearts we would love to build protective bubbles about our children, they are no longer children. 

And so we rejoice in the years of the past, the sweet memories.  we rejoice in the gift of children, the blessing of the relationships we have.  we rejoice that each child has been blessed with good health and a life full of loving relationships.  we rejoice that for so many years our nest was not empty, and the possiblity that the future generation may one day come to fill it with noise again.  We live with open palms, open arms, surrendering our blessings to God and the life He would have them live out.  And in the quiet of the afternoon and evening we rejoice to not be battling tired children, but our weary bodies can simply rest and cheer on those yet in the season of intense childraising.

passions balanced with eternity- how is this possilbe?

I find myself wondering these days how my passion for fiber and visual textiles can be of use to the kingdom.  Why did the Lord put within me a desire to manipulate cloth and fiber and how does it relate to kingdom purposes? 
As I look ahead I see a time when I will have time to spend pursuing my passions.  When stitching and sewing and knitting will be occupations that could be enjoyed and pursued beyond a few found hours throughout the tweek.  When I could kind of seriously study dying of fabric and fiber, seek to quilt for more than pleasure, maybe even teach a class or two.  When I could consider entering a quilt in competition or thinik about the idea of sharing passions in a class or through a book?
And yet at the same time I am reminded that this is not my home.  I am a stranger here on short term mission.  That my purpose for being here is to Glorify God... what does that look like in terms of gifting with cloth and fiber? 

For the present I am playing with "green" fiber- upcycling sweater by repurposing the wool for gifts and warmth bringing garmets.  I am playing with undyed fibers that I have harvested from unwanted garmets.  I am using my skills and talents to bless folks with gifts and objects with purpose or decoration.  And as I work on these I know that often they are a blessing, yet at other times as I stitch or knit or ..... I realize that in the thoughts of Solomon all is vanity, and some is just make work and fodder for the future donate or excess stuff pile.  As I understand that my time is a precious resource I desire to number my days and invest them wisely, not with just make work but with kingdom work.
and so continues the condumdrum of balance between passion and eternal thinking.

moments of gratitude

Every day life can quickly creep in and cause us to forget the moments of gratitude we find amidst daily living.  This morning it was discoveirng my "lost" debit card on third search of my wallet- just before the call to the bank and all the inconveniences that would put into action.

thank you lord for hesitation and eyes to see on the third look.

Last week it was the provision of 2" rigid foam within my budget.  I wanted to make a gap filler for my sewing machine table, a  4 x 6 sheet costs $30.  My budget was $10.  I "just happened" to spot a stray piece at HD and when asked it was marked down to $10 and has now met my needs with leftovers to spare.

Thank you for provision within my means.

For years I have struggled to commit to exercise.  About a month ago my husband and I had yet another conversation about the need for exercise in our life.  At some point following that conversation I sensed a heart change within.  I no longer think of dusting the elliptical, rather I am looking forward to my time keeping it greased.  Compettion between the youngest and I have helped to motivate us both to strive longer and farther.

A new trashcan location greeted me when i returned from vaction- front and center of the kitchen.  Logistically it was great, estecially,not so much.  My can had no lid and was several years old.  Long overdue for replacement so the trash could be covered I balked at the thought of paying $50+ for a nice new metal one with lid.  As I walked through Sam's club i started to consider how high i was willing to go as theirs were right at $50.  Then I noticed a dented one on the scratch and dent rack- half price!  Score- home we went, worked on some dents, found a spot where the dent isnt front and cneter and my kitchen trash can has once again been relocated closer and I am at ease with price paid.

Thank you for timely visits to scratch and dent racks that meet both need and wants and budget.

I have been looking for activities to help us get out of the house routinely now that we are not in a co-op.  Thursdays now have homeschool swim time in the closest rec center, swim lesons offeredn next month.  We begin today and piggyback it with our vision therapy appt.

Thank you for organizing our opportunities when we are uncertain of how to pull it together.

Our daughter has been away at camp all summer.  She goes to school locally and needs a job to pay for expenses.  It was with great joy that after working 4-5 days before camp that they told her tocall  when she was ready to return after camp.  She is back to work again and the schedule seems to be flexible enough to work around her school schedule.

Thankyou for employers that understand summer camp and are willing for wait for you to return.

We were traveling to NY and home again.  The trip north went well and on the first night we found ourselves on the border of NY.  The trip home we were able to make it home in 18.5 hours, thus giving us an extra day of rest before reentering life as "normal" .  Not sure when the roads came together to make it possible but all of a sudden the trip to NY is not the daunting 20+ hours long.

Thank your for road engineers and highways that make passages through Ohio and allowing us to not have to drive through big big citiies and tons of traffic.

Amidst daily life it is easy to develop short thinking- I am happy to pause and think about the many blessings and joys in my life.

What does MS look like to me?

What does the face of MS look like to me right now? 

Change- lots of changes going on- change of routine, change of diet, change of what is normal, change of thinking, change of priorities.  Who moved my cheese?  MS did...... so I am getting use to sniffing out the scent of the cheese to find a new normal. 

Live Today- I an no longer sure what today may hold- it may be typical, normal and routine or it may have the added factor of a numbness, foginess or fatigue thrown in just because its that kind of day.  We are learning to rejoice in each day, life in each day and enjoy whatever it may hold.


Fatigue- such an unfamiliar visitor to our life until recent.  When the Bear comes home and needs a nap after work I know you have come to visit.  When sitting and vegging is about all he can do, I know you are the guider of our day.  You are unfamiliar to my once workaholic man.  You are a stranger to the one who can chainsaw for hours with great delight, but now you stop his normal, causing us to find a new normal.  Naps become part of the agenda and its ok; just part of the season of life we walk in for now.

Exercise- the dreaded, avoided and ignored activity that has plagued me for years because I never engaged.  Now you are my friend- you give me strength, renew my energy and lift my spirits.  I am learning to look forward to the audiobook or music of the session.  I am seeing the benefit to me, as a caregiver, and to the bear as he fights to keep muscle tone and strength. 

Simplify- when life causes you to stop and look anew, simplicity becomes a desired goal.  We have begun to evaluate and eliminate.  Proritiies have been shifted and we continue to adjust our life to our words and thoughts of what is truly important.  The stuff that once was so important isnt quite so valuable.  Simple things, spending time and enjoying moments together have risen higher on our agenda.

Priorities- where once the job was the priority all of a sudden health, well being and family have risen to the top.  When faced with an unknown outcome, our vision is cleared and some of the fog of "status quo" and "keeping up" and "everyone does it" show their colors and we start to see again.  Family time, loving well, making memories,  and relationships - priorities to be pursued as we walk through this MS thing.

Grief- the sadness of the unknown.  The fear of what MS looked life in the life of those from my past.  The uncertainty of what lies ahead.  The frustration of no longer being able to do what once was done withouth thought, or not having energy where it was never an issue.  Many griefs, each come and go as they are lived and experienced. I find that at times it comes in waves or laps, then i shake myself, grieve and give it over to the God of the univers who has allowed this season to be filtered through his hands of love and care, and settle in to live another day beside the one I love. 


Green smoothies, shots and supplements- our first book read about MS was Minding Your Mitochondria- the idea of a diet change helping battle MS was exciting.  We bought a juicer and began to juice then  switched to green smoothies.  Not sure how it is helping, but it sure does not seem to be hurting.  As the Bear drops pounds that need to be shed and his body systems work well we are finding a good part of the formula.  Shots- after a second round of MRI films and word of more lesions wisdom indicated shots were in order.  So, this wife who HATED needles and shots now finds herself helping her bear with shots in rotation- he gets the front side, I get the back.  So, in earnest I can speak of "shooting" my Bear!  Supplements- along with the diet shift has come supplemental oils and minerals and ??? - he handles his dosing and drops and again, we see it as part of the formula, not thinking its hurting and perhaps it is helping more than we know.  Just part of this life with MS that we live these days.

We are now ten months into the known journey of MS.  Backtracking to signs now understood we are in reality more like 3 years into it.  It is a journey we never imagined we would take, we dont know what lies ahead, so we take it day at a time.  We trust that God will continue to give us wisdom, that He will guide us and use the journey for some good.  We are changed and challenged as we move forward. 



*the watercolor was done as I processed all that was going on within as I came to terms with MS entering our life.  Each persons picture looks different- this is what my view is now, in time I expect it to change.

Change is all around us

As we move into another fall season I look around and see change all around us.  The garden season has passed, without much to show for the early spring labors.  That has inspired change- I am moving boxes and taking my eclectic garden to task and bringing order to it- straight rows and space between boxes.  Decay set into some of the wood and it is now curbside.  Ahead is a reworking of the water system and order reestablished. 

Homeschooling has taken a different focus- I am tracking time spent by subject- h/s credits must be supported.  We have shifted gears to life skill learning and prep for adult life that will be upon us sooner than we expect.  Therapy has gotten prime attention - both physical/ occupational as well as a new addition - vision therapy.  From first days I can see this need is long overdue to be addressed, so we begin.

The neighborhood has changed- no one has left but change has occurred anyway.  where once the bus came for high schoolers, it runs no longer.  Where once there were many homeschoolers about, the numbers are less this year.  Watching the young men seek out adult lives, children settle into classroom living and moms adjust to new schedules change is upon us all.

I am working my way up to 30 min of exercise 3 x a week.  Presently I am on week 3 of elliptical life, and enjoying it.  This morning I challenged the youngest to beat me on his 10 min- he countered with a 15 min  time option and made my time in 13 min.!  Motivation found for him- seek to beat Mom and throw in a carrot and he is up and walking/ jogging.  I am thankful for whoever invented ipods and their convenience to use while exercising.  yeah for external speakers and no longer fighting with headphones that want to self eject!

We are now about 6 weeks out from reality that MS is part of our lives for now.  I think we are adjusting ok.  Smoothies- check, supplements- check, exercise- check, healthy diet- check, slowing down- trying hard.  living today and not stressing about things beyond our control- trying.  Quirky stuf comes and goes, always glad to hear it has passed and not left a lingering reminder of its presence.  We are getting the meds routine down and also seeking God for strength and healing amidst the things we see to do. 

It looks like I may lose my comic relief child come October.  It seems far away but it could be way too soon.  He has been handy to have around the house to help me with tasks.  Today he blessed me by volunteering to conquer the lawn on his own.  I see him face the challenge of PT and come home sore and wiped, excited about what the Marines will hold.  I dont think of the loss of his feet under the table or the sound of him breezing through the house with his earphones sharing thier ?music?, those things will come in time and we will adjust.  For now I am prepping for the cheese to move, anticipating it but not yet ready to rejoice in that one. 

I will rejoice in the strength the Lord has given me to - give shots,  to keep getting up and exercising, for wisdom in schooling and to live today, today. 

another punch in the gut

Small cracks, over doors, diagonally traveling.... what can this mean?  doors sticking, unsticking, hope its just the weather.  pencil marks and dates are found throughout the house, watching the cracks, hoping for no new lines.  A few patched only to return.... sadly they do.  Recently some grew and so we again had to take off the blinders and face reality.  Foundation issues.  significant issues.

Today the moving house guy came- he has worked on a neighbors house, and was a known entity so he was the first to call- not sure if there will be another or not.  A walk through and short crawl under the house revealed many reasons for cracks developing.  Engineered trusses and I beams are not what they were hoped for... now we shall get to support the local economy.  Oh how weary I feel today.  The details are still to come, Insurance does not cover poor workmanship.

And so again I look to my Heavenly Father is despair and need.  He who protected another of His children allowed this house to be a platform for ministry and life.  He shall give us wisdom and help us discern the next path of attack.  He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, he can tell disease to leave and it goes- just as a king directs His troops.  So too He can provide ... oh may He be glorified in this season of our life, may it not be for naught.

......

A few days later I am again living today... for I can not borrow or handle tomorrow today.  And today was Home Show day- we went to see what foundation folks had to offer.  5 booths, many similar, some that made us wary, others that looked good.  We also saw the booth of the one man we had come out, saw the piers he uses and spoke with him a bit.  Next week we should get the first proposal- and begin to consider honestly what needs to be done to stabilize the house so it does not roll in on its crawlspace.

Job... the book of a man who suffered, who had live steamroll him.  He has been on my mind a bit of recent.  MS and foundation issues revealed within days of one another- our world shaken on each account, but again the Lord holds us in the midst of the quake.  We are having conversation and dreaming together, looking at life in new ways these days, weighing the days and trusting God a bit more.

  This morning the bear spoke of how he and God have had some conversations- and what he has heard is "you are not in control".  Oh how often we presume that we are, and then Job moments come to remind us that we truly are not.  The question is when we receive the punch that doubles us over and knocks us off our control diaz where do we land who do we look towards??  I am looking to the one who knows tomorrow and holds my hand through today. 

where did the time go?

I clicked on the blog and found that I had not posted since October- how could that be???  hmmm what filled my life??

  Three weeks of October were dedicated to taking the mildew moldy kitchen to its foundation and then building it back to a useable, clean space- my how our knees and old bones ached after all the tile was laid.  What a sense of accomplishment came after the final board was laid on the support joists- reinforced and the floor now solid. Not only for us but for the whole neighborhood that pitched in.  What an outpouring of support and donation of time we experienced.  We had laborors, dish and laundry fairies, food donators - where there was a need it was met in ways only God could orchestrate!  What fun to share life with friends and neighbors and to see chaos become order.  Joists, subfloor, new plumbing, a bit of rearrranging, rewiring as needed, underlayment and tile. What joy to call the tiling done and done!!!  Yipee it was... we were so very weary. 

An unexpected blessing amidst the work was getting to know neighbors we'd had little contact with.  Johnny and Darlene have entered our life and we are blessed.  We enjoyed breakfast recently and ahead is a trip to the mountain and campouts and ????  what fun amidst life to discover more life ahead!

November was a month of rest and recovery as we settled into temporary kitchen  aka camp in the kitchen.  My hubby made amazing temporary vanity and kitchen sink stands so we could enjoy running water and dishes in our sink, rather than the porch or in the sink while we awaited new cabinets and coutnertops.  I bless the inventor of metal rolling shelves and cardboard grape boxes- the mainstay of my kitchen inventory.  We also repurposed what were wall cabinets to floor with tops to help us function.


The cabinet ordering brought new lessons of learning as we found that the 4-6 weeks started when the money was paid yet it takes 2-3 weeks before you can safely hand over the down payment to start the process.  I adjusted fire and set my sights on a kitchen together by Feb 14th- if you keep expectations low it helps keep disapointments low as well.  Finally all plans were finalized and the clock began.  The plaid walls were calmed with cream colored paint and we enjoyed a fresh start to our new kitchen.

December was our month of rest- learning to love rolled up pie crust- easy on the back, not bad on the wallet yet a close to homemade taste and the joy of favorite pies to comfort us through the holidays.  I enjoyed ignoring all the "to do's" of the kitchen and lived life, quilted and prepared for holiday life.  Slowly and quickly the month passed, we were delighted to wake on Christmas morning to snow all around us.  We were blessed to be charged with care of our neighbors horses and chickens and so daily we'd walk over and enjoy the critters and the time among nature. 

Without realizing it we have come into 2011- the days have passed amidst much life and adventures- the heating system went out quietly in the night to be discovered mid morning following.  We had hoped beyond home for another year, but Heil had done his time and was done in.  The new system was installed after a few days of enjoying fires in the firepllace and spaceheaters on loan from friends.  We are now taking the heating system for granted again- a blessed state to be in.

And now we are back to kitchen work again.  All of a sudden the cabinets were ready to install- our kitchen had to once again be emptied out- oh how I was dreading the task, yet it quickly occurred and even now I am reverseing and replacing items only a few days ago were moved out.  The cabinet guys were great- the attention to detail wonderful and they look so nice!  I am now sorting items, considering what was easy to live without, what is used only ocassionaly and where each needful item should be placed.

I am delighted with a few of the changes- pullouts for heavy mixers and crockpots in deep cupboards- nice!  The pantry cabinet with bifold door was dismantled amidst tearout.  In its place is a wonderful 11" deep cupboard built in that now holds my dishes- convenient location and so much more storage that it held previously- seems to be about double the space- the BEST bang for the buck of the whole project.  The other great change is the removal of the island, dancing the fridge across the floor and the installation of a penninsula- LOVE IT!! and we are yet to get counters- no more fighting for space with folks as we squeeze by one another.

I find I am weary and a bit overwhelmed, think its time for some boxes and purging of stuff, I 've been reading about simplifying... it is in the midst.  I am blessed to be in such a season, will enjoy the joy of it yet knowing all seasons come to an end the end of kitchen suite remodel 2010/11 sure sounds good to me as well.

So 2011- welcome and may allow for God to continue to show up and be glorified in our lives as we live this life called Toney life! 

Waking to the sound of a power tool

It is 644 am and a few minutes ago I awoke to the sound of a power tool.  Work, work, hard grueling work has been happening here. A smell of mildew, dishwasher leak, floor replacement turned into reframing the support under the kitchen,bath and laundry with plumbing changes and some major structural support addition.  all discovered along the way to changing the floor out to be rid of wet wood.  Along the way more wet wood discovered and today mold behind exterior wall drywall awaits us. 

We live a life of ease, most of the time, until it is time to work on the house.  Now we eat on the front porch, which I am so glad for.  The pantry and cupboards are spread through the back porch,dining room and all the way into my room.  and the sound of power tools and hammers is continual.


Small errors ignored, short cuts and cob jobs revealed bring forth more work.  Injuries are quickly dealt with as fingers and skin get owwies and the men who are true men press on, working,sweating and encouraging one another for the job that is ahead.  how blessed we are to have guys that embrace our painful situation with us.  Who have the vision to tear up the floor and put terra firma beneath.  who ache and hurt but do not allow that to sway them to leave.  and in this day of "i deserve" they do it out of care and concern and not the greenback- for the insurance funds will cover materials, if we are fortunate.

It is not often that folks in middle class america work so hard, that we have opportunity to enjoy the community that comes with hard labor.  this week it is happening at our house.  Young men are getting a chance to learn life skills and watch men be men and work hard. 

another trip to the box store that has it all is on the horizon, time to get the paper and pen and make the list.  another day of work lies ahead.  

Living among sinners, myself the chief among them

Family life can be longed for and sought after, idolized and idealized.  The reality is that it is work and joy, pain and pleasure.  As much fun as we have together we are individuals each with our own private struggles, visions and desires.  We live and breathe together, sometimes well and well, sometimes we wonder why we are together. 

Amidst our recent weariness we've had some of those well days... where things have not gone so well.  Yet the glue sticks and we struggle along side by side, desperate and needy together and as individuals.  Sometimes so worn prayer is hard to even speak, but even then aware that the Lord is aware of our neediness.   He is ever watching this sinner, and all those that surround me.  He is ever orchestrating events in our lives to bring us to the end of ourselves and allowing opportunities for brokeness and dependence upon Him.

In Exodus when God first tells us of himself - "The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin."  I am reminded of how great He is and how far reaching his love is.

The word of God goes on to tell us how He reveals sin to allow future generations to deal with it and find healing.  For that I am greatful for as much as I long to not carry on the sins of my family again and again I am living them out.  I have become my mother, my father, and all my relatives, as though drawn with invisible strings through the passage of time, and all the while proud and arrogant that I am in the right, and I know best and it is not me.   And then the Lord brings another along to nick my vaneer and reveal my sin, my pride, my false front and shine the light of His truth and I am once again undone.

And God picks me up, holds me as I recover from my shock, which is not a shock for Him, and forgives and guides me again.  he gives strength to my weariness and hope to my dispair.  He is the peace within my heart.


And my family somehow continues to love and forgive and live among me- with all my quirks, annoyances and demands that I am so very clueless to.  And I somehow receive their grace and am able to face them even though I am a mess.  the blessing of family- knowing we dont have it all together and enjoying the journey even though there are pitstops when the mess of our sin comes to the surface. 

And so we move along ... slowly, thoughtfully, prayerfully, a bit humbled, aware of our need, desperate for God to show Himself once again... and being the loving gracious God that He is I know He will show up and shine. 

So as I begin a new day I thank the Lord for family, for sweet times of fellowship amidst the business of life. For each of the members, each of my characters and the way he made them each individuals.  I am thankful for the grace they bestow and the way they pull together rather than flee in weary seasons.  I am thankful for each of them.

Worn and weary

The past few weeks have been full of life - school prep, home repairs and travel.  All good, well all of the outcome has been good,yet sometimes the journey has been hard.  Now as we settle into a new normal for the fall I find that I am weary, worn out, and I have wondered why.... and then I think back to all that life has held and I begin to realize thata journey with lack of downtime leaves one worn and weary.

As our hot water once again heated up- to scalding my prayer rose to heaven ... God could you  please end this season?  His clock seemed to indicate it was time for after a week of stressful coping once again, with tempermental hotwater heater an agreement with manufacturer came forth.  They would take back their 3rd heater, and give us a refund, we would leave them alone and our huge file would be closed.  A local plumber quickly came and made the exchange and the season of tempermental instant hot water heater has ended.  We rejoice in the answered prayer and provision.  We rejoice to have hot water without thought again.  We rejoice to not be wasting our time, energy and thought on hot water heaters that should not be failing and yet are.  This is our 4th hot water heater in as many years. 

We have spent time visiting friends on the East coast in the past weeks.  What fun to reconnect, share life and dream with them of future hopes.  Some longing for the pattering of little feet through adoption, others looking for new normal to settle amidst job changes, one longing for health to return and another looking to the future as he transitions to a new location and vocation.  We rejoiced at the returning of a solider, enjoying a day by the airfield and the reality of the sacrifice and service of our military families.  God walks beside them and in the midst of their lives... we rejoiced at the way He gave height and strength to one for future use and the early return of a loved one.  Relationship time... lots of it, so much that I found myself weary and wondering if I was repeating the same stories to the same friends.  Yet what fun to cook with a friend who I once started on the path to using a crockpot and baking a cake, a sweet fruit of past labors.

Time was spent in travel and touring our nations capital- amazing was the architecture and beauty as well as the volume of people and the  sacrifices made that we take so lightly.  It was fun to take our youngest to places he has read about, to see monuments of men we have come to esteem after hearing their stories of sacrifice and commitment.  We rejoiced at the ease of travel with a metro system and the delight it was to ride what is norm to many, yet a treat to us.

Home again to the destruction of two kittens.... oh how quickly one forgets what life with kittens can be like.  We have two- double the fun or mischief.  While away they won the battle of the wreath- what a great source of play toys are the fake flowers for the picking!  Since then pin cushions, safety pin bins and many other quick toy resources have had to be restricted.  They still may pluck a nut at will for a new toy to scoot about the rug.  Home to home cooked food, school starting, daily chores and a garden to clean up, deweed and harvest.

And so goes life, full of sweet memories, full of delight and yet wearying at the same time.  Many beds do not always make for restful sleep always.  the other night I realized I was using the "other" pillow and now better sleep comes.   All part of life... joyous and taxing, rich, delightful and active. 

And so in the midst of this season of busyness I found myself surfing the internet, visiting a blog and finding a sanctuary- or maybe a portal to sanctuary.  A blog that encourages contemplation, slowing down, simplifying.  Taking time to sit with the Lord, to reflect upon His bounty, taste of His sweet spirit  to seek to connect with Him, the creator of all and the nurturer of my soul.  I am drawn in.  I looked around a bit found a network of blogs that seek to (in)courage women   and later another grouping that desires to walk through the work of life with one another that we might glorify God in our dailiness.  I am convicted by my lack of dwelling, my lack of sitting at the feet of the One who rests my soul.  I choose to make the short journey there, and I feel the refreshment as I enter in.

So like a weary traveler I am home again.  Slowing down my pace, taking time to rest on the back porch, seeking time at the feet of the source of life.  To slow down on commitments, turning off autopilot as much as possible.  To rest, to restore, to enjoy and consider and dwell.  I am finding blessing in this slower pace, in more communion and less doing, doing, doing. 

And so I am entering a season of rest- pausing to refresh and reflect and listen anew to the creator.



a few days ago while driving a group of deer were crossing the road.  one made the journey across, another backtracked.  the fawn sought its mother and then rejoicing in life romped about momma.  More energy and joy to be spent the fawn raced in figure 8's around momma a few times, in and out of the woods.  A treat of nature we had not seen before, and  was a delight to behold.  it would have been easily missed had I chosen to just continue to drive, but the willingness to slow down and enjoy the created creature reaped a special treat. 

May you find a quiet place to catch up to yourself amidst the pace of this life.  to seek the Savior, contemplate His truths and allow His peace to permiate your life.

simple things can be so hard

This morning I caused some brain cells to burn. The assignment was to create the letter C with upside down cups- on the floor- spaced so you can dribble between them. Simple? maybe, maybe not.

the "c" started out more like an O, then a bit heavy on the bottom, snuggled close to the island. the ball was dribbled, but then it took over and skooted a cup across the floor. Then the island jumped in the way. thoughts of enlarging the C were not within my boy. Earlier we had enlarged and dialogued about how and why with two other letters. Frustration rose and the word hard was used many times.

Again enlarging was demonstrated and talked about and then dribbling through was completed with greater ease. He was worn out. 3 letter, 15 cups and a ball- enough to challenge the brain some days.

And so life goes here, some tasks simple, some tasks simply too much to process and execute without great challenge and frustration. If only I fully understood what it is to walk in his shoes, with his brain struggles. Compassion continues to grow within me as I live alongside many who struggle with large and small "issues" and life events.

So often judgement comes fast and first without ever considering the story behind the person. Covers do a good job of just that - covering up what lies within... stories take time and trust. so much lies beneath a cover- more than the presenting activity, there is depth and history.

Oh to take the time to understand and walk beside, modeling, teaching and encouraging as the brain burns new pathways to success. slowly we shall master this new challenge just as we have other "hard" things that are now easy.

Thoughts I never considered that would occur

Another call last night..10:35pm; " I think S is having a seizure", the scramble for clothing and the dash up the stairs to find our son in the midst of a brainstorm. Part of life, stuff we deal with yet never simple and never totally "normal".

How can it be normal to see your child "gone" and the body taking over, seemingly with a will of its own. To see a body in unnatural contortions and manners, to see the vacant stare as you count the minutes. As a parent you wonder when will this one stop? what caused it? what needs to change? To realize, again that you are not in control, and cannot truly control the life and breathe of your child. To recall that the one you birthed is truly in the hands of his Creator. To trust that He has numbered your child's days and pray that the number is much greater than what he has lived thus far.

And the minutes tick, as the brain does its dance, the dance floor being your child's body. The moves shift and change, not always following a set choreography. Unexpected moves bring about new concerns or sighs and hopes that this dance will soon stop. Questions are in our mind, as the clock ticks and the dance continues, should we make a call? why did we not stock the drug to call a sudden stop to this brainstorm dance. And the dance goes on, seeming to increase in passion. And then with a sigh it is over. A body rolled over and a head lifted that tells me that my child is back.

Sweet is the fellowship and communion between parent and child in the moments declared to be "post ictal". The hearts of these parents breathed a sigh of relief that their child has returned to rule over his brain. That the boy that brings such delight is now with us again and we cope together with the life that we live together. Sleep soon will come, but not before we pray and thank God for life, for health and the days ahead.

Who knew when the word epilepsy was first spoken that such thoughts and experiences would come, I sure didn't. Life is always full of surprises, adventures and opportunities to live dependent, trusting God to care all of us in the midst of life. That trust has helped us to walk through this journey for alone I think the journey would be much more of a challenge.

Topics spoken about quietly

This has been a day of remembrance, a day of gratitude and thanks, a day of praise and glory in the graciousness and goodness of my Creator. This is a day when I considered that which once I would not speak of, was ashamed to speak of, or maybe to proud to speak of.

A few weeks ago my trusty computer wrote me a note: time to schedule your colonoscopy. Not a big reminder, yet a reminder, one I forgot about, don't look forward to and try to avoid thinking about much, but there it was, again. I laughed about it, shared its arrival with friends and after a few days of avoidance called the doc to get the referral. Today was my appointment. Today was a walk down memory lane as I looked at medical records and recalled December 1992.

That December I had a baby and an unexpected surgery, a baby that may have saved my life as did the surgery. After the baby the unspoken part of my life came to light. I had been growing a very large colon polyp and did not know it, yet I knew something was not right within. I was too afraid, shy or proud to speak of it honestly and openly. I had cried out to God, for in my heart of hearts I knew whatever was happening in my body was more than I could deal with.

After the baby's arrival the polyp showed itself and was dealt with. The reality of my ignorance came to light. The possiblities of colon cancer came to our conversations. My pride was laid out to what it was- foolishness. Brokeness was one of the fruits of that season, one that continues to bring sweeter fruit in my life than I ever imagined- bodily functions are not longer shameful and whispered, they are reality that are honestly dealt with.

So today as I walked in my memory to those scary days of '92 I recalled how the baby was in ICU where he received wonderful care as I was getting cared for on surgery floor. How my Mom was available to come help with childcare (2, 5yr olds). How the church reached out and cared for my family while I could not. How what could have been cancer was pre, pre cancerous. What could have been abdominal surgery did not have to be. How we were cared for on so many fronts and advocates and quality health care folks surrounded us. How we saw God show up thorughout thos days that felt so ovewhelming yet had rays of being cared for spread throughout them.

In that season of life I began to learn anew about my body, the importance of paying attention to it, to seek care, research oddities and be willing to speak of and face the "shameful" parts that glory may come from the parts that are due honor. I now give honor to the "shameful parts" by followig doctors orders and routinely fasting and prepping and undergoing checkups- small price to pay for more years of life.

Once I wondered if I would be around to see my baby turn 1. This past December he turned 17- we both lived that long and have lived alot of life in those years. Oh how grateful I am for that.

So, if your body is doing odd and weird things, please seek out answers. Care for it well and seek solutions, even if they are uncomfortable... life is worth living to its fullest and part of life is some discomforts. And if you are over 50 - get a scope, just to be safe.

Time

Last night I logged on and was surprised at the passing of time since last posting- months in fact.. where did it go? Life lived in 3D is the reality... sometimes life happens and the thought to pause to record and reflect just isnt acted upon and before I realize it months have passed. Rich full months, months of blessing and struggle.

November came with the cool weather and the question of where to spend the turkey day of thanks. The woods is what my prince often opts to. my homebody nature is always reluctant. Our pop-up was totaled this year in a freak accident and the new one had a freak oops on the way to be given the once over, so it was looking iffy, but God had other plans. Mr Persausion caused parts to move where they did not seem to be in movement prior to converstations and we had a pop-up again. The weather warmed and off to the woods we went. A great choice, spoken honestly by this homebody.

Nature again renewed and rejuvenated us. Many folks dropped in for a visit and many for a meal. A blessing of reunion from Iraq days for my bear ( and for me the personal of a loved brother in his "twin"). My son discovered the origin of fireworks- bamboo in the fire goes POP!!! A family that faced TV dinners came instead for smoked bird and treasure hunting and a couple we only see in church were blessed to spend time in nature and continue to consider adding camping to their life again.

December again caused this homebody to shudder. A trip to NY was on my daughters agenda but I was hesitant... the drive, the timing..the... the... the. But a sisters desire and a daughters desire and the reality that this type trip isnt a given every season and we were off. Sweet reunion for my part time daughter Paula with old roomate who hosted us in WVa, much landscape and a few stops to ooh and ahhh and breathe deeply at the wonderful coffee shop in PA. Then to the cabin in the woods we nested for a few days. Snow, sledding, wood stove, pancakes with real maple syrup and other delights from my sweet mom. We knit and visited and had an old fashion christmas with a real tree. Sam played chess and schooled and sled with cousins. I made the rounds to a few V relatives and then on to tour the capital bldg in Albany, we felt the place was ours to enjoy as few were about. We stood in the Senate lobby with ornate "curtains" and velvet seating and enjoyed the craftsmanship about us. We then dined on Equidorian food around my dear sisters table and enjoyed her roomate. The girls then headed to NYC for a few days of snow and city. I spent time knitting and visiting with anothe sister in her new house- had fun dreaming and scheming for the renovations ahead.

As we prepped to travel home I had a sweet surprise, a whisper from the Lord of a friend along the way, 10 years since our last visit. She opened our home to the five of us and we enjoyed sharing life and struggles, a treat from the Lord for both of us as we were reminded that this path of life is not one tha is not shared by others. We arrived home in time to nap repeatedly and have a leisure Christmas with the family +one= wonderful.

Along with memories I brought home a sore arm. My left arm started to ache as I drove west out of NY and was throbbing as we entered PA and OH. Tuesday I hardly drove, it was not feeling well. Holiday medicine are not to be mixed so i dug in my drug stash and after Christmas I went to see the doc. We still aren't sure what happened but I was in pain and muscle relaxaters, anti inflammatory and more pain meds were Rxed. Relief but also reality- I was one armed- no knitting, no quilting, my hyper activity was squashed, much physical activity was unrealistic. Not easy for this busy gal, but I watched TV, did puzzles, rested, read and colored. And my spirit settled and reflected and quieted, good stuff. Slowly the pain has subsided and the muscles are aching less, but wisdom is also reigning that less heavy lifting and movement for a season is in store. I have adjusted and am taking a sabatical from some activities for a bit. I am limiting typing as needed. I am adjusting.

And so our new year has begun. the passing of time continues, often marked only by the calendar. Then this past week I had Sam read, and read, and read. Before he knew it an hour had passed. We had read together for an hour. not a big thing for most... for us a milestone. Time has done what time does, bring growth and change. Slowly, daily, bit by bit fluency has increased and endurance. A few days ago I felt a rumble, over and over... jumping jacks... once beyond understanding were being executed without pause... another sign that time had passed and skill had developed.

Patience is often something I think I have... reality indicates otherwise. Oh, I endure many things beyond what other tolerate but my nature is quick and now... and so I have been blessed with a patience builder. God continues to intersect my life, taking me out of my comfort zone to slow down, try new things and show His glory in the midst of my life. I am able to have moments where I look back in time to appreciate all that has occurred. This week has been one of those, seeing progress, seeing how He has helped this homebody leave home and return home richer for having stepped out.

I am not cured of my homebody nature but slowly I am gaining more reasons for walking beyond my comfort, because each time I do my comfort grows to include a greater base.

Where do you go to church?

A few weeks ago I would have answered this question with.... First Church.... Then I read a book that challenged my thinking of the definition of church. Somehow, I have forgotten over time that I am part of the church... the body of Christ. That the church is more than the building or a denomination or a congregation. It is all of those things and more, linked together and alive because of the Spirit of God, alive within the members.

Yesterday I found myself in a room full of strangers, all gathered for the purpose of unity and service. What a great gathering it was as I found myself among folks who were from many different congregations and those who attended no congregation at all. All were joined together to spend several hours loving others by giving of their time and talent.

I had a moment where I felt like the baton of my folks had been passed on to me. They had raised me to a lifestyle of service and giving to others, and once again I found myself in a place where I might serve strangers as I had done in my childhood. I felt like I had joined in an event that they would have chosen to be a part of. But I am digressing... from the morning events I walked away with a word to answer the question at hand. It was asked of me by a few of the folks yesterday and I found that it settled well into my heart as I wrestled with how to answer this question, which is often asked of me.

What congregation are you a part of? I like that, the question is not what building, as though that would define where I worship, but rather what gathering of the body of Christ do I worship with. That fits better my new understanding of church. For I am a member of the body of Christ, who gather together and make up His "church".

Today we awoke and put on "church" clothes, all set to walk out the door and go to "church". Then the phone rang and it became time to put on my other church clothes, the ones I am truly more comfortable in. Our neighbor had a water leak, in the wall, and needed help. So rather than worshipping in a building we lived life before the Lord with wet butts and laughter and spraying water. We shared life with a friend who has yet to understand the Life that was sacrificed for her. We were the body of Christ in the life of this neighbor and in our hearts we worshipped the Lord and thanked Him for an opportunity to lay our life down for Him. We did not attend a set program, we broke our tradition and elavated the needs of an unbeliever over our tradition of attending a gathering of believers, and it was good.

This is not all that different from what my beliefs were a few weeks ago. Yet as I reflected today of my heart attitude of serving the needs of the lost and starving, giving them priority over serving the "expection" of the believers around me, I know I may be viewed as radical. To break tradition, to work on my day of rest, is it ok? Could this work be holy? Could serving be worship? Can one have church on a wet rug sharing life with an unbeliever? I think yes, I think that what we did today is what Jesus would have done, and so I believe that today we went to church at my neighbor's house, and it was a great service!

Academically challenging

The phrase academically challenging has hit a whole new level of meaning for me in the past week.

I have a son in college taking classes that the name I can barely pronounce let alone begin to understand what is taught- high level math and science classes... he strives to earn the prize of an electrical engineering degree. I expect he will make it to the goal but there will be blood and sweat along the way and so the prize will be all the more sweet along with the reward of a paycheck that could make life a bit easier. He has academically challenging courses and thankfully his brain cells process most of the information well, or he wrestles with it until he is able to make some sense of it.

I have a daughter who is also in college, her recent academic challenges have come in the form of learning grace and personal responsibility even when the professors are unintelligible. It seems that both of the kids have teachers who are of foreign birth and come to their universities with heavy accents so one of the challenges is to decipher the words spoken and attempt to align them with known words, not always easy. She tells me that often the teacher is spelling out his words as the whole class is struggling to understand the spoken words. She also has the academic challenge of learning that in college the syllabus is the guide and no matter what the prof may or may not teach you are responsible for the material presented in the guide. not an easy lesson after being led by the hand in high school.

Our next son has voluntarily signed up for AP courses this year. He "whines" about the work, we smile as we know the challenge is good for him. He is finding it academically challenging to keep up with the reading and studying. He is finding that the teachers mean business and expect the students to come prepared. He is rising to the challenge and we see it as a good thing as he seems to enjoy a life full of challenge.

All three of these kids face academic challenges as I have known them, that was my past definition, tough challenging coursework, above the norm expectations, needing focus attention.

This week I had a new look at the meaning of academically challenged as I began to realize the inkling I have had that this year would be a year of challenge came to fruition. Our youngest has had growing learning struggles. Not sure that they have grown as much as I have grown to realize how invasive they are. As the years have passed with his peers gaining in academic skills I have seem him move forward at his own pace. This year it is beginning to feel like the rabbit and hare scenario... one that I knew was on the horizon but had not come to fully acknowledge.

This week I am looking at it with the rose colored glasses off. This week the reality of advocating, intervention, accommodations and their place in our life has hit home. Class work that is simple for many will not be quickly mastered by this one, yet can be mastered in its fundamentals. I have come to realize that these are challenges that are to be faced, prepped for and negotiated. There will be need for prep for classes and extra study devoted. We will have to shift through the material and choose what is truly the important and what is fluff, leaving off the fluff as there is just not time and energy for more than the basics.

This week in the midst of the revelation and personal (yes, emotional) toil of my heart to face reality I saw God. As I again and again face what is and not what I want there to be God shows up to remind me that He is aware of the struggle and allows grace in the midst of it. I received a call from one teacher who affirmed some of the struggles and the reality that copying information from the board and listening to the lecture at the same time was not realistic. We talked about options and strategies for success in the class. Another teacher and I are in the midst of reviewing material to see what is also realistic and how to test for retention and bring success in another class. Both classes will be simplified and for this child that will be academically challenging. For another it would not.

Hmmm.... Academically challenging... when the child is challenged by the academics, to learn and get his brain to retain the material. hmmm, same definition but coming from the other side, I guess it is not a black and white definition. I guess I can no longer think that only higher level stuff is academically challenging. sometimes, for some people the simple stuff is academically challenging.

And so grace walks in... to accept each person where they are at, and allow for what is easy for me and you to be a challenge for a peer. To meet a child where they are at, accepting , encouraging and cheering them on as they wrestle with their own academic challenges.

And the Gracious One continues to shape me and mold me in his loving way. Again I find myself feeling like I am on the potters wheel, pressed upon and hugged as he lovingly makes adjustments and shapes and forms me. How different this parenting thing is when it does not fit the mold of the past children, when there are new situations to learn through. When your expectations don't meet with reality and there is nothing you can do but be patient and wait and live a dependent life fully trusting that God knows what he is doing. Ahhh, its that S word again, surrender. laying down and allowing Him to reign, letting go of control. So, I too am being challenged by academics, learning to let go and not place them on the altar of life as an idol but acknowledge that they truly are just a part of life and a stepping stone on the path of the journey.

Reflections of summer past

Summer is officially over, it is Labor Day, and so even kids in the north will be starting school tomorrow, if they haven't already, we've been hitting the books for over 3 weeks. As I stopped into the blog,I realized tonight that it really has been a long time since I have posted. My dear one is hanging around the saved swampland of the south (Florida) for a few days so tonight seemed a good time to stop and post.

The summer has passed with many busy days and a few down days. It felt like a different kind of summer as the dynamics of the family change with the shifting of children moving into new season. My son is busy burning braincells over Physics 3 and deciphering the accent of a prof along with working 20+ hours a week. Our daughter is settling into another local university to the east of our home. Our middle son spent the summer enjoying life, rescuing deer and waiting for school to begin again. Our youngest spent time working his way through metronome therapy, going to summer camp and enjoying a slower pace as well as some camping with Dad.

Now here we are in September, and schooling has begun again. The therapy that we worked hard on for 6 weeks has paid off. A child who NEVER noticed a joke is now telling us "you are teasing me", he is more interactive, aware and his reading speed has picked up. The 20 second attention span has moved up to 9 minutes. All this has delighted me as a mom and his teacher. We continue to work on learning struggles and life lessons that need to be taught.

The summer was active with canning... chicken, salsa, peaches, salsa, g.beans, salsa, potatoes, salsa, jam and salsa. Yes, we had tomatoes and peppers in moderate abundance, but not enought to can them alone so salsa was my default for a bucket of tomatoes and peppers. we are now blessed with a few shelves of canning jars, lined up and waiting for our appetites. It has been a blessing to also have a jar or two of homemade jam to share with those we love.

This was a summer of wedding travel. Our children are getting of the age where their peers are starting to wed. We traveled to Tennessee to see a childhood friend unite with her beloved amidst a volley of approval. (the outdoor wedding field backed to a skeet shooting range that just happened to be holding a shooting contest as the nupticals were spoken- perfect for a 'country wedding"). The simple wedding was beautiful and rustic, one that reminded me of our own wedding of 26 years ago. It was a sweet time as we visited with old friends and enjoyed the passage of seasons for our friend and her new spouse.

August brought us to the wedding of our "red headed stepson"- a favorite friend of our son and one we shared life with in NC. He and his bride had a beautiful wedding in a chapel and it was fun to watch the family rejoice and enjoy a day of beauty and joy as the couple sealed their commitment with a ring.

The trip to NC was one anticipated on many fronts- visit with friends, time spent sharing life with a girlfriend and the wedding. Life was what happened when I made other plans. My girlfriend had to leave town unexpectedly, yet I was able to spend time with a friend that was unplanned but was of encouragement to both of us. I also stopped by the place of fellowship one evening and had a conversation that left both parties encouraged to press on in life and loving others.

While in NC I began to see God in the midst of my travels in some very real ways. I was driving across town to visit my old neighbors when I noticed that traffic ahead was slowing, soon flashing lights appeared on the horizon. My cell phone rang and as I answered it, I found that it was my girlfriend, at whose house I was staying. She began telling me of her son having had a car accident. As we spoke I realized their accident was ahead of me. She was with her mother in another state and her husband was also traveling out of state. God was caring for their boys amidst a life event, and I was who He was putting there. I was soon on the scene of the accident and in comunication with the boys and caring for them in her stead. We are and were amazed at God's provision in the midst of the mess of the accident to have help so close by.

I made it to my neighbors the following day, finding it to be a blessing to sit in their backyard, enjoying their company and nature. My dear friend has walked down the pink ribbon path, battling breast cancer and as of now, winning. It has shaped and changed them, and given her a desire to encourage and share life with others who will embark upon the same journey. It was a sweet time of sharing life and longing for the minutes to stretch longer as we miss the sporadic chats we once shared amidst gardening. I have reflected upon the peaceful joy I have in the company of many elderly friends, a blessing I never anticipated as a youth, but one I savor as they come into and share life with me.

Along the path home was an exit that would have led to the homes of many of my husband's cousins. My son was anxious to return home so we decided to not call and stop in for a visit, yet I mused to my Lord about the possiblitiy of Him making it possible for us to meet one of them for lunch at that exit. It was a thought, a hope but not truly thought possible,as I never called anyone, yet we did get off the exit where they lived and into Arby's parking lot we pulled. Then my son said "Don't we know that person?" sure enough God had done it, my husband's cousin was standing in the parking lot talking on a cell! I jumped out and rejoiced as his wife came out and we enjoyed a lunch together. It was a sweet time for me as we had not seen them for 3 years. Life had been happening for them and I was able to hear a bit of their story, encourage them and now pray with wisdom for them.. Again, God had intersected our life in an unexpected way.

And not to miss an opportunity to speak of how small this world is for our God I will tell you one last tale of how he can connect people in this vast world to bless those who love Him. A few weeks ago a friend asked a favor of me. I was asked to search for and buy a homeschool book for her. It was a book she needed "yesterday" and so I looked. I found it on half.com- an online posting for selling books throughout the USA. I noticed a posting from AL, as I looked closer I noticed it was our local city. I thought of how it was a shame to wait on postal service rather than connect and pickup the book. On a whim I pulled out the telephone book and looked to see if the name listed was in fact a name. It was, and it was a gal who knew my name. I had not remebered her but she is a MaryKay gal. She agreed to sell the book to us, and my girlfriend picked it up that night. It was huge- as it eased stress in her life, but moreso because it was a way that God showed that he cares about the details of our lives, amidst the mess and stress, amidst the dissappointments and struggles, He is aware. A small thing, a book, and yet a big thing... connections made that perhaps are co-incidental and yet I chose to believe that it was the loving heart of our Heavenly Father that was caring for her daughter that needed encouragement and loving upon.

And so our summer has passed with moments where we have seen the hand of God, moments of life happening when we had other plans, moments of shared struggle and growth, moments of down-time and delight. I have risked my fear, faced th e canner and now it is my friend. I have slowed down and delighted in looser structure yet now enjoy a bit more structure to guide our days.

Perhaps I am back to posting again, not sure... Blogging is like getting a letter from a friend in the mail, a delightful way to catchup, keep up, inspire and encourage as we walk this path of life. Thanks for stopping in, may the month ahead have some moments where you too see the finger of God moving through your life.

Weary

It has been a busy few weeks, lots of folks, activity and therapy. Amidst all that I have found time to stitch and quilt. Yesterday as I finished up a baby quilt I realized that I had hit quilt burnout- I was tired of quilting- my hands were tired of stitching. Yet as I write this in the early hours of the day, maybe it is just that I am weary from all the activity that our life has held.

We have joyfully welcomed guests, more guests and a repeat guest in the last two weeks. We have repaired a chimney, worked in the garden and continued a daily therapy routine that has promising results, some already seen. And we have lived normal life. I find myself falliing into bed each night bone weary, just too much living maybe??? Yet, except for the chimney repair afternoon I dont know that any of it would be denied given the choice.

My daughter is off on her first road adventure, and it was with joy that we waved goodbye, having enjoyed a few days with her friend sharing life with us. They will return on Saturday and we'll enjoy a few more fun filled days with Paula and her laughter and sweet spirit. More joy.

So as I finish the quilts before me, with joy at the blessing they will be to the ones we love, it is good to come to an end of some projects, good to rest for a bit and consider what is ahead. It will be good to take a few days a bit slower and then return renewed to home life and the activity to come.

T-tapp update

I awoke this morning thinking of conversations i had yesterday with two friends. Both have begun to t-tapp and both are finding results. One found 2" weight loss and 1 pant size change in a weeks time. The other was not so specific with her feedback beyond how it is a workout and she is feeling better and finding her body changing.

It has been 6 weeks since I wrote about t-tapping. 7 weeks since I began. I had an unexpected week off due to technical difficulites, otherwise I have maintained my routine of t-tapping twice a week or more since then. for me that is huge as I have not routinely exercised in years beyond a few months of jogging in NC.

I still have not tracked well my measurement changes, beyond the pounds on the scale- which I tend to avoid. The reality is that I am switching from flab to toned muscle so the numbers have gone up slightly. Yet the other reality is that I feel tighter within, there is a change that is slowly going on from the inside out. I expect one day to find that the upper arms are going to be well defined where now they are just starting to be defined. Makes me wish I had taken the before pics for an objective mark of where I began. I sense changes but the pics would be proof positive.

The other change I am noticing is that my left thigh,which has always had a greatly diminished muscle on the inner top side seems to be changing. I don't know if over time it will develop fully, but just knowing that it is developing has given me further motivation.

So, I keep on the 15 min workout. Loving that I moving and continuing to feel energized, that if my body gets creaky I spend a short time moving and I am aligned and no longer in pain and creaky. That in a simple way I am achieving a goal that i never thought I could achieve as I am so exercise lazy- yet it was through a simple routine that good changes have come.

So, if you long for a do-able exercise routine and dont want to have to kill yourself to get real change give t-tapp a try. One friend had been following some kind of video and sweating away with no change. she made the switch and found there was a dramatic difference in the outcome. i dont understand the why, i just know it is different and productive.

www.t-tapp.com is where a wealth of information can be found. I am off to do some hoe downs and today I may begin to learn the walking workout, I am feeling like its time to challenge my body a bit more.