Friday, April 6, 2012

Changes and transformations

We are in the midst of a season of change here in Toney.  It comes at us all around- children, cars and surroundings.  Change is good, change is hard, change is character building and makes me Christ dependent.  Some days I am overwhelmed and undone, some days I delight in the new possibilities.

Months ago I casaully mentioned to a friend that if they ever wanted to sell their well cared for Camry let us know.  we received a call last month and now own this car- a delight, a good change.  It answered the question of what to do with our "zippy" car- a nissan 240sx that the Mr has been falling into and crawling out of in an effort to save gas.  All that was good, the no a/c not so much.  Zippy is now on the market and we hope the man who longs for it enough to offer more than asking so that we would hold it will soon arrive and take it home. 

A few years ago I saw the writing on the wall that our time was limited with our older children.  Like a slow ticking clock the months and years have passed and the time of departure has drawn closer and come to pass for some.  This week our oldest will move out, thus leaving only one child at home.  We have rejoiced and cheered on some moves, others have been harder to bear, change can be melencholic - sometimes a high, sometimes a low.  We work on leveling out as each settles into young adult living on their own.  We settle into praying for each by name nightly around the dinner table as they spread to the north and south of the US and soon enough some will cross the globe to serve the needs of the soldiers and another may soon be a Marine on duty in remote places. 

As news of rooms emptying began my brain engaged in dreaming of new uses for spaces.  There was anxiousness for change, yet a desire to linger in what was at the same time.  Eventually it occurred to me that I could move forward in each season, as needs arose.  Last week a green room became blue- more neutral, calming and covering where each hole and freshening the space.  We anticipated a new resident to move in, but soon word came that the eldest was on his way to far off adventure and when choice was given the tan room with "cool lights" trumped the new blue room.  So the future guest room is now serving as a temporary room - the boy is like goldilocks as to which bed he will sleep in.  Last night we changed what has been the boys room for 6 + years into a living space.  Futon was installed, wall unit was turned and transformed into room divider and again transformed this morning into a quilt design wall on its backside.  Slowly pictures are going up and I am contemplating how each piece of furniture will work where and how.  Fun changes, simplifying, spreading out and giving dedicated space for interests to be pursued.  I continue to consider and dream of what is ahead for that space.  This weekend it will be the temporary guest room, next week it may well find itself to be my sewing space and a den....

So as I seek the feet of Christ to keep me soft and pliable, willing to embrace this season of change I find the adjustments easier.  When i center on me alone, the cracks come, the sense of loss is heavier, the joy is missed.  This is a season we knew would come, we hopefully prepared the kinder for, and there is much delight as they launch well.  There is delight in the changes we are int he midst of and the ones that lie ahead.  And i find that unexpectedly i am being transformed in the midst of letting go, of releasing, or trusting.  I guess that is the most unexpected part of the changes- i know they were happening, i just did not exxpect there to be change within. 

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