Wednesday, April 22, 2009

blog slacking

I was visiting an old friends blog and saw the term blog slacker, and thought, yup that has been me. Life has been happening- seems it often gets in the way of glorious creations, elaborate plans and dreams that seeem so great, until reality shoves its way into the bubble of dreamland.

This week has been one of bouncing fevers. Our son started Saturday morning flopping on the stairs, the bathroom floor and holding his head- he was NOT well- ("faking it" said one sibling- NOT said mom). Fast forward a few hours, cleanup of the erruption that followed and we had one sick kid on our hands, but by noon all looked good. And so began the roller coaster ride of this flu that wouldn't shoo. Temps spiked at 100-101, up and down they went. yesterday (tues) we went to see doc- to be safe, and were cofirmed that it looked like the flu. Today he is coming back to normal- a nice thing after seeing him lay his head on the island too miserable to eat dinner, yet 45 min later chowing down and asking for dessert!? the joys of rollercoaster flu!

So, today we ventured back into some books, but going slow. He says he is "55%" on the way to health. I am cautious, but rejoicing to have him back. It will be good to be back on level ground and no more rollercoaster riding.

It was interesting to me - I enjoyed having a bit of free time from schooling- finishing a quilting top while he slept. yet at the same time the house was quiet and part of me longed for routine. Other times as I answered the many calls for "mom" I found myself weary of being on call, feeling trapped on the outside as he was inside his flu laden body. A week of testing my selflessness- not sure I always passed. More of my mess reflected in the mirror of myheart.

So, slowly this blog slacker is re-entering life. Perhaps now I will also venture into the garden life and stop slacking there... I have big plans, but find myself slow to engage as I pamper my everpresent tennis elbow that I want to ignore, yet it wont let me and so i must acknowledge that I am not full strength and need to tone back my activity level from hyper to a bit normal. So, I may, or may not get extra boxes in this year, I may or may not achieve all I set out for. I guess in reality it really is ok to not do so much, but after being hyper it can be hard to slow down. So, if I slack, perhaps it is for my good, it is a slowing down, living life at a more reasonable pace.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

the lightbulb went on

We were riding in the car, doing math and multitasking- math on the go so we could once again have food in the house. Once again I heard " I am confused" from my son. My first reaction was frustration at a simple instruction not making sense to him. Then the lightbulb went on.

A few weeks ago I was told that mini seizures were/ are/ have been happening in his brain, 1 sec blips that alter consciousness. At times I have seen them and nicknamed them the "one second pause", thinking it was a processing delay. No, seizure. At that moment the connection hit- the "I'm confused" may actually be my cue that he has returned from a brain storm, a minor one but one that has left him fuzzy on what is/ was happening and now needs to be cued in to present activity.

Another dot connected! A moment of "duh, why did I not get that sooner?" A realization that what I may be hearing and what he is speaking can be two totally different things. A moment when I begin to look at life from his seat a wee little bit. A blessing to me to understand a bit more of the struggles he faces.

So, slowly the lightbulbs are warming up here, the understanding of life with epilepsy and the many facets of its walk grows within us. Some weeks the light feels strong and harsh, other days we do not even notice that it is shining in our lives. Many times we are shaped with grace and mercy and compassion as we consider what our buddy has to deal with at unexpected times and for undetermined days.

In all this we thank the Lord for understanding,revelation, compassion and protection. We seek to be gracious and keep it all in perspective. The lite lightbulb is helping.