waiting quietly

It is hard to wait, especially for a doing person like me.  It is hard for me to settle and sit and dwell.  Of recent I have not had any handwork to keep my fingers occupied with stitching or knitting needles clacking.  I feel a bit lost, but have turned to puzzle books- starting to understand sudoku a bit.  I search for something to occupy.

Today I find myself looking for distractions to turn my thoughts from the what if's to other occupations.  My healthy bear who plugs along is having some weird stuff go on in his face.  Floaties in the eyes, flashing of lights last week.  Doc said its normal and just part of aging.  This weekend it was a numb face, and slowly the numbness spreading a bit each day.  Yesterday doc appt.  Today fasting bloodwork and MRI.  And we wait.  Thursday afternoon is the next doctor appt- with a neuro doc and hopefully answers or assurances.

The internet is a blessing and a bother.  All the world available at your fingertips to inform and confound the reader.  A search of numb face can give you thoughts of virus, bells' palsy all the way to MS and / or brain tumor.  Hmm what would we chose, do we get a choice??  could it be simple or will it turn out to be complicated??

And that hits it- am I willing to forget the worry, the owning what is not mine to own and trust in the midst of the wait?  Am I willing to rest in the One who loves my Bear much more than I do?  Am I willing to walk in faith that nothing comes into our lives but that the hand of the Lord has allowed and will use for our good?  I am trying.  Easy, no.  Doable- when I keep my eyes on the One who loves us the most.  So I shall wait, quilt a bit, teach a few lessons, watch some movies, live life and soon enough Thursday will come, the doc will have his say and we will continue to live life.

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Time has passed, two appointments later-its not brain tumor or stroke- yeah!  Still no definitive answers, we continue to wait for hoped for changes after vitamin and steroid shots, wait for appointments for more tests and more followup visit, waiting surrounded by friends and their prayers that the bears face will no longer be numb. That answers for the why and what will be answered.  We wait  for a greater understanding of strange symptoms that continue to linger.  As time goes by we are settling into a sort of peace and waiting.  Life has invaded again helping to put us back into a bit of normal pace amidst a bit  of unbalance.

where did the time go?

I clicked on the blog and found that I had not posted since October- how could that be???  hmmm what filled my life??

  Three weeks of October were dedicated to taking the mildew moldy kitchen to its foundation and then building it back to a useable, clean space- my how our knees and old bones ached after all the tile was laid.  What a sense of accomplishment came after the final board was laid on the support joists- reinforced and the floor now solid. Not only for us but for the whole neighborhood that pitched in.  What an outpouring of support and donation of time we experienced.  We had laborors, dish and laundry fairies, food donators - where there was a need it was met in ways only God could orchestrate!  What fun to share life with friends and neighbors and to see chaos become order.  Joists, subfloor, new plumbing, a bit of rearrranging, rewiring as needed, underlayment and tile. What joy to call the tiling done and done!!!  Yipee it was... we were so very weary. 

An unexpected blessing amidst the work was getting to know neighbors we'd had little contact with.  Johnny and Darlene have entered our life and we are blessed.  We enjoyed breakfast recently and ahead is a trip to the mountain and campouts and ????  what fun amidst life to discover more life ahead!

November was a month of rest and recovery as we settled into temporary kitchen  aka camp in the kitchen.  My hubby made amazing temporary vanity and kitchen sink stands so we could enjoy running water and dishes in our sink, rather than the porch or in the sink while we awaited new cabinets and coutnertops.  I bless the inventor of metal rolling shelves and cardboard grape boxes- the mainstay of my kitchen inventory.  We also repurposed what were wall cabinets to floor with tops to help us function.


The cabinet ordering brought new lessons of learning as we found that the 4-6 weeks started when the money was paid yet it takes 2-3 weeks before you can safely hand over the down payment to start the process.  I adjusted fire and set my sights on a kitchen together by Feb 14th- if you keep expectations low it helps keep disapointments low as well.  Finally all plans were finalized and the clock began.  The plaid walls were calmed with cream colored paint and we enjoyed a fresh start to our new kitchen.

December was our month of rest- learning to love rolled up pie crust- easy on the back, not bad on the wallet yet a close to homemade taste and the joy of favorite pies to comfort us through the holidays.  I enjoyed ignoring all the "to do's" of the kitchen and lived life, quilted and prepared for holiday life.  Slowly and quickly the month passed, we were delighted to wake on Christmas morning to snow all around us.  We were blessed to be charged with care of our neighbors horses and chickens and so daily we'd walk over and enjoy the critters and the time among nature. 

Without realizing it we have come into 2011- the days have passed amidst much life and adventures- the heating system went out quietly in the night to be discovered mid morning following.  We had hoped beyond home for another year, but Heil had done his time and was done in.  The new system was installed after a few days of enjoying fires in the firepllace and spaceheaters on loan from friends.  We are now taking the heating system for granted again- a blessed state to be in.

And now we are back to kitchen work again.  All of a sudden the cabinets were ready to install- our kitchen had to once again be emptied out- oh how I was dreading the task, yet it quickly occurred and even now I am reverseing and replacing items only a few days ago were moved out.  The cabinet guys were great- the attention to detail wonderful and they look so nice!  I am now sorting items, considering what was easy to live without, what is used only ocassionaly and where each needful item should be placed.

I am delighted with a few of the changes- pullouts for heavy mixers and crockpots in deep cupboards- nice!  The pantry cabinet with bifold door was dismantled amidst tearout.  In its place is a wonderful 11" deep cupboard built in that now holds my dishes- convenient location and so much more storage that it held previously- seems to be about double the space- the BEST bang for the buck of the whole project.  The other great change is the removal of the island, dancing the fridge across the floor and the installation of a penninsula- LOVE IT!! and we are yet to get counters- no more fighting for space with folks as we squeeze by one another.

I find I am weary and a bit overwhelmed, think its time for some boxes and purging of stuff, I 've been reading about simplifying... it is in the midst.  I am blessed to be in such a season, will enjoy the joy of it yet knowing all seasons come to an end the end of kitchen suite remodel 2010/11 sure sounds good to me as well.

So 2011- welcome and may allow for God to continue to show up and be glorified in our lives as we live this life called Toney life!