waiting quietly

It is hard to wait, especially for a doing person like me.  It is hard for me to settle and sit and dwell.  Of recent I have not had any handwork to keep my fingers occupied with stitching or knitting needles clacking.  I feel a bit lost, but have turned to puzzle books- starting to understand sudoku a bit.  I search for something to occupy.

Today I find myself looking for distractions to turn my thoughts from the what if's to other occupations.  My healthy bear who plugs along is having some weird stuff go on in his face.  Floaties in the eyes, flashing of lights last week.  Doc said its normal and just part of aging.  This weekend it was a numb face, and slowly the numbness spreading a bit each day.  Yesterday doc appt.  Today fasting bloodwork and MRI.  And we wait.  Thursday afternoon is the next doctor appt- with a neuro doc and hopefully answers or assurances.

The internet is a blessing and a bother.  All the world available at your fingertips to inform and confound the reader.  A search of numb face can give you thoughts of virus, bells' palsy all the way to MS and / or brain tumor.  Hmm what would we chose, do we get a choice??  could it be simple or will it turn out to be complicated??

And that hits it- am I willing to forget the worry, the owning what is not mine to own and trust in the midst of the wait?  Am I willing to rest in the One who loves my Bear much more than I do?  Am I willing to walk in faith that nothing comes into our lives but that the hand of the Lord has allowed and will use for our good?  I am trying.  Easy, no.  Doable- when I keep my eyes on the One who loves us the most.  So I shall wait, quilt a bit, teach a few lessons, watch some movies, live life and soon enough Thursday will come, the doc will have his say and we will continue to live life.

-----
Time has passed, two appointments later-its not brain tumor or stroke- yeah!  Still no definitive answers, we continue to wait for hoped for changes after vitamin and steroid shots, wait for appointments for more tests and more followup visit, waiting surrounded by friends and their prayers that the bears face will no longer be numb. That answers for the why and what will be answered.  We wait  for a greater understanding of strange symptoms that continue to linger.  As time goes by we are settling into a sort of peace and waiting.  Life has invaded again helping to put us back into a bit of normal pace amidst a bit  of unbalance.