Living among sinners, myself the chief among them

Family life can be longed for and sought after, idolized and idealized.  The reality is that it is work and joy, pain and pleasure.  As much fun as we have together we are individuals each with our own private struggles, visions and desires.  We live and breathe together, sometimes well and well, sometimes we wonder why we are together. 

Amidst our recent weariness we've had some of those well days... where things have not gone so well.  Yet the glue sticks and we struggle along side by side, desperate and needy together and as individuals.  Sometimes so worn prayer is hard to even speak, but even then aware that the Lord is aware of our neediness.   He is ever watching this sinner, and all those that surround me.  He is ever orchestrating events in our lives to bring us to the end of ourselves and allowing opportunities for brokeness and dependence upon Him.

In Exodus when God first tells us of himself - "The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin."  I am reminded of how great He is and how far reaching his love is.

The word of God goes on to tell us how He reveals sin to allow future generations to deal with it and find healing.  For that I am greatful for as much as I long to not carry on the sins of my family again and again I am living them out.  I have become my mother, my father, and all my relatives, as though drawn with invisible strings through the passage of time, and all the while proud and arrogant that I am in the right, and I know best and it is not me.   And then the Lord brings another along to nick my vaneer and reveal my sin, my pride, my false front and shine the light of His truth and I am once again undone.

And God picks me up, holds me as I recover from my shock, which is not a shock for Him, and forgives and guides me again.  he gives strength to my weariness and hope to my dispair.  He is the peace within my heart.


And my family somehow continues to love and forgive and live among me- with all my quirks, annoyances and demands that I am so very clueless to.  And I somehow receive their grace and am able to face them even though I am a mess.  the blessing of family- knowing we dont have it all together and enjoying the journey even though there are pitstops when the mess of our sin comes to the surface. 

And so we move along ... slowly, thoughtfully, prayerfully, a bit humbled, aware of our need, desperate for God to show Himself once again... and being the loving gracious God that He is I know He will show up and shine. 

So as I begin a new day I thank the Lord for family, for sweet times of fellowship amidst the business of life. For each of the members, each of my characters and the way he made them each individuals.  I am thankful for the grace they bestow and the way they pull together rather than flee in weary seasons.  I am thankful for each of them.

Worn and weary

The past few weeks have been full of life - school prep, home repairs and travel.  All good, well all of the outcome has been good,yet sometimes the journey has been hard.  Now as we settle into a new normal for the fall I find that I am weary, worn out, and I have wondered why.... and then I think back to all that life has held and I begin to realize thata journey with lack of downtime leaves one worn and weary.

As our hot water once again heated up- to scalding my prayer rose to heaven ... God could you  please end this season?  His clock seemed to indicate it was time for after a week of stressful coping once again, with tempermental hotwater heater an agreement with manufacturer came forth.  They would take back their 3rd heater, and give us a refund, we would leave them alone and our huge file would be closed.  A local plumber quickly came and made the exchange and the season of tempermental instant hot water heater has ended.  We rejoice in the answered prayer and provision.  We rejoice to have hot water without thought again.  We rejoice to not be wasting our time, energy and thought on hot water heaters that should not be failing and yet are.  This is our 4th hot water heater in as many years. 

We have spent time visiting friends on the East coast in the past weeks.  What fun to reconnect, share life and dream with them of future hopes.  Some longing for the pattering of little feet through adoption, others looking for new normal to settle amidst job changes, one longing for health to return and another looking to the future as he transitions to a new location and vocation.  We rejoiced at the returning of a solider, enjoying a day by the airfield and the reality of the sacrifice and service of our military families.  God walks beside them and in the midst of their lives... we rejoiced at the way He gave height and strength to one for future use and the early return of a loved one.  Relationship time... lots of it, so much that I found myself weary and wondering if I was repeating the same stories to the same friends.  Yet what fun to cook with a friend who I once started on the path to using a crockpot and baking a cake, a sweet fruit of past labors.

Time was spent in travel and touring our nations capital- amazing was the architecture and beauty as well as the volume of people and the  sacrifices made that we take so lightly.  It was fun to take our youngest to places he has read about, to see monuments of men we have come to esteem after hearing their stories of sacrifice and commitment.  We rejoiced at the ease of travel with a metro system and the delight it was to ride what is norm to many, yet a treat to us.

Home again to the destruction of two kittens.... oh how quickly one forgets what life with kittens can be like.  We have two- double the fun or mischief.  While away they won the battle of the wreath- what a great source of play toys are the fake flowers for the picking!  Since then pin cushions, safety pin bins and many other quick toy resources have had to be restricted.  They still may pluck a nut at will for a new toy to scoot about the rug.  Home to home cooked food, school starting, daily chores and a garden to clean up, deweed and harvest.

And so goes life, full of sweet memories, full of delight and yet wearying at the same time.  Many beds do not always make for restful sleep always.  the other night I realized I was using the "other" pillow and now better sleep comes.   All part of life... joyous and taxing, rich, delightful and active. 

And so in the midst of this season of busyness I found myself surfing the internet, visiting a blog and finding a sanctuary- or maybe a portal to sanctuary.  A blog that encourages contemplation, slowing down, simplifying.  Taking time to sit with the Lord, to reflect upon His bounty, taste of His sweet spirit  to seek to connect with Him, the creator of all and the nurturer of my soul.  I am drawn in.  I looked around a bit found a network of blogs that seek to (in)courage women   and later another grouping that desires to walk through the work of life with one another that we might glorify God in our dailiness.  I am convicted by my lack of dwelling, my lack of sitting at the feet of the One who rests my soul.  I choose to make the short journey there, and I feel the refreshment as I enter in.

So like a weary traveler I am home again.  Slowing down my pace, taking time to rest on the back porch, seeking time at the feet of the source of life.  To slow down on commitments, turning off autopilot as much as possible.  To rest, to restore, to enjoy and consider and dwell.  I am finding blessing in this slower pace, in more communion and less doing, doing, doing. 

And so I am entering a season of rest- pausing to refresh and reflect and listen anew to the creator.



a few days ago while driving a group of deer were crossing the road.  one made the journey across, another backtracked.  the fawn sought its mother and then rejoicing in life romped about momma.  More energy and joy to be spent the fawn raced in figure 8's around momma a few times, in and out of the woods.  A treat of nature we had not seen before, and  was a delight to behold.  it would have been easily missed had I chosen to just continue to drive, but the willingness to slow down and enjoy the created creature reaped a special treat. 

May you find a quiet place to catch up to yourself amidst the pace of this life.  to seek the Savior, contemplate His truths and allow His peace to permiate your life.

simple things can be so hard

This morning I caused some brain cells to burn. The assignment was to create the letter C with upside down cups- on the floor- spaced so you can dribble between them. Simple? maybe, maybe not.

the "c" started out more like an O, then a bit heavy on the bottom, snuggled close to the island. the ball was dribbled, but then it took over and skooted a cup across the floor. Then the island jumped in the way. thoughts of enlarging the C were not within my boy. Earlier we had enlarged and dialogued about how and why with two other letters. Frustration rose and the word hard was used many times.

Again enlarging was demonstrated and talked about and then dribbling through was completed with greater ease. He was worn out. 3 letter, 15 cups and a ball- enough to challenge the brain some days.

And so life goes here, some tasks simple, some tasks simply too much to process and execute without great challenge and frustration. If only I fully understood what it is to walk in his shoes, with his brain struggles. Compassion continues to grow within me as I live alongside many who struggle with large and small "issues" and life events.

So often judgement comes fast and first without ever considering the story behind the person. Covers do a good job of just that - covering up what lies within... stories take time and trust. so much lies beneath a cover- more than the presenting activity, there is depth and history.

Oh to take the time to understand and walk beside, modeling, teaching and encouraging as the brain burns new pathways to success. slowly we shall master this new challenge just as we have other "hard" things that are now easy.

Monday, monday

What a Monday this has been, full and to the brim with life.

I started the day in the garden in my nightclothes- it was hot and sticky and rainy, but i knew i needed to shower so why bother to change - the tomato harvest was nice, the weed pulling overdue. As the day got rolling with plans to bless therapists with banana muffins my son came seeking a ride to work, his 297,000 mile car was acting odd. Scramble to regroup, remember neighbor has second car and get permission to borrow and he is off in the van. As I try out his car all seems fine, so fine that I later take it to him, swapping for my van.

And so we launch into therapy, library, bowling- never broke 100 but had fun trying, and thrift shops as well as BK for lunch. First thrift shop no major score, but second- God did it agaiin! My dear neighbor who allows us to rack up pool points has found her tall outdoor chairs falling out from under her- she was down to one and in dire need of replacements. She had scoured the new stores, and found they were $$$, but so functional that she was willing to buy replacements. As I walked into the shop today what awaited once again amazed me- a set, almost identical to what was at her house, a bit fancier- 4 tall chairs and new to her table for what she might pay for one chair new! When she found out she went and bought it, and my husband, who happened to have his truck in town, picked it up and delivered the set.

What fun to see God care for needs and wants once again.

Home again I tornado cleaned to restore order to our house. Mondays out are always a bit of a stretch. I had posted things on ebay- they sold and were packaged- a blessing to me- a $20 purchase netted an abundant gift to relatives, and about $100 in sales- more than compensating the original cost and many little girls will be enjoying the bounty of the original purchase! fun!

We redeemed some pool point time- what fun i have enjoying the kids in the water and then when Dad joins in it ramps up the fun. He becomes the leach that they cling to and are launched from. Sam wrestled with other boys- being tossed and tossing them into the pool.

As I anticipated the evening ending our son returned home, and he and Dad gave a look see to the car. A few hours later a minor tuneup is done, with more work ahead as a radiator leak was found and new wires are yet to be installed, but a quieter, happier engine seems to be in the faithful transport. They are now gladly holding down cushions and waiting to rest.

Monday- a bit full but also abundant in blessings and bounty of life!

The new stove is in

Just wanted to share the new stove- a little thing but another testimony of God's provision in my life. The old stove had a incident of "thermal shock" where the front of the door left sponatanously (sp??)- it blew apart and fell to the floor all by itself. not fun, not cheap to replace - it was 17 yr old downdraft Jenn Air. We really wanted to keep the downdraft fan as it was great. We really did not want to spend over a thousand for a stove to do so.

We prayed and waited upon God and one day as I "happened" to pull into a thrift shop that I "happened" to remember was local to where I was there sat the new stove- for $50. It works great, it is digital and all the old stove parts fit in the new stove so we have spares. Three hours sweat equity and we are renewed and rejoicing!

ARt FuN dAy

Tomorrow is Art fUn dAY!! It is sure to be fun.

I have had this idea for a few years.... Art on the Porch. Art fun day is my trial run of this idea. Last week we had a fun time playing with art stuff together. Tomorrow more families are joining us. The neighbor girl is earning entrance by being a gofer for me in the morning. It looked that fun from afar last week that she did not want to miss out. I think others felt the same way as they are returning.

Tonight as I look at the numbers 14 parents and at least 30 kids I am wondering what was I thinking??? Fun... mess... creativity. using up supplies.

I was remembering all the days at Helderberg Workshop as a girl where I am sure I attended on scholarship... daycamp at its finest. Bussed to a school campus and allowed to immerse myself in creative things for hours.... a bit of heaven on earth.

Summer is here again and I know how long the days can be... how boring they can get without the normal structure of life. So we are adding a bit of variety to our days and thinking forward even now of if we should do this again and again... Art on the POrch?! sounds like fun to me.


Tomorrow the kids will paint t shirts, carve soap or plaster/vermiculite, paint with tempra and or create with wood scraps. Not the norm for at home art projects...just as I like it; hands on and a bit messy.

And in the midst of all that moms will share life, kids will "socialize" and community will be built. folks will leave richer for the time given to others and the service given to one another- that is the ticket- parents serving to help pull this all off. After all arrive and directed mine is the easy part, circulate and guide. The moms and dads runs the stations as the kids are busy creating.

it is fun to see an idea start to come together, start to form and learn what works and what needs tweeking as you work the idea into fruition. I am blessed to have this opportunity and the resources to share with others.

Life is Life

This morning is the start of a busy day... therapy, haircut, library, oil change, home depot and maybe even staking tomatoes at the community garden then home - whew- I am hot and tired already. Such is life some days here in Toney.

Last week we had many families join us for an Art Fun Day- a trial run for my vision of Art on the Porch... a dream I have of fully using our wonderful wrap around porch for creative space for kids. The kids got messy with paper mache, clay and paint. This week they will have time to explore wood scuplturing and plaster carving as well as tshirt decorating and paint. paint is a great standby and often not freely allowed at home. The messy stuff is what I enjoy allowing in our art time- open ended creative time with good supplies that allow kids to explore mediums of mess!

I was surprised the evening after the Art day when a critter was found upon my porch railing. A cicada dressed up for more art fun in bright colors! creativity at its finest... later it was revealed that a dad was the artist this time. Fun!

We have had visitors come and go in recent days. Our old stove, without a full front has by now been recycled for scrap metal and the new one that God provided is working wonderfully since my husband installed it. The garden is growing and the battle against the bugs is on. We had a catepillar invasion so I donned protectitive gear and "fogged" it well... waited and watched and 5 days later not a bug to be found... only the skeletal remains of their attack. It remains healthy and we sigh in relief.

This summer project is white- stain the fences and paint the wood. all too soon the heat has come upon us and the desire to be out in it has not remained, yet we go. Soon the fence will be done and the taping of the porch will begin- sparing the concrete of dots and sprinkles of white. How fresh a new coat of white makes all things look. it also has given us opportunity to note areas where attention is needed to repair wood that is no longer with us.

So we continue on in Toney life. living, playing games, making changes, adjusting to changes, experiencing new things, learning new skills and just living. We'd love to share it with you- come for a visit, the front porch is a great place to sit and rock and visit.

Another home improvement

For the past four years we have wondered "what were they thinking?" about the sink in our kitchen. The beautiful Kohler sink and faucet came with the house, yet did not transfer warrantey to us, the new owners. The faucet leaked, the spray nozzle was a dud, but worst of all the water from the facet leaked to the back of the sink, onto the tile and caused us concern of water damage growing. We are a dish doing family, we have a dishwasher, yet it is only used part time- this sink was a 1/3, 2/3 style- not great for handwashing.

Friday as my husband lingered away from the home it was not a linger but a shopping spree. He came home with all the needed supplies. Early Saturday he began and the sink was pulled, and so the adventure began. With the sink came 4 partial tiles. Oops- yeah for extra tiles under the house, so they were replaced and the new sink installed, along with a high speed Moen faucet- easier to get parts if needed than Kohler :). We now have a large, spacious double sink with 9" depth. It is great to do dishes in. It is built to direct water back into the sink rather than to the tile. It is functional to us who work hard in this kitchen.

Home Improvement projects- great times, memories made and happy changes. In this house that has needed much functional maintance work the blessing of changes that are wants/needs are a blessing. No more leaky sink/faucet, no more wet tiles and towel laying beyond the faucet to absorb the water. We are blessed with another home improvement!

Working away

Life in Toney has been full... of wood! A few weeks ago my dear hubby told me to find a tree guy to take out a few diseased trees. The yellow pages quickly brought a family run business with men anxious to work. Kind of rare these days to have an employee thank you for hiring him, they did several times... affirming our choice to do the job that day. Down came 3 trees, a fourth one topped and many trimmed.

The result has been a yard full of wood, brush and logs. Slowly the yard ornament- a downed pine tree - dropped in one piece so my hubby can play with his chain saw, has gone away. Today was the last as the youngest and I cleaned up the pine needles and stray branches. The divets and dents will get filled in with the next load of cotton trash compost.

While we were busy in the front yard there was a work crew going in the back yard. For the past few weeks the chainsaws could be heard chunking up the 2 tall downed trees and getting ready for a wood splitter. Today the men spent 6 hours splitting up logs- 3 full cord of wood is now drying beside the fence. The branches that came down are halfway gone, more trips to the branch pile awaits us. I have begun to rake up the stray wood- who knew there was so much work in cleaning up after a tree downing.

I am not sure I will ever again take for granted the sheer physical labor of tree surgeons again. There were 5 folks working in the back yard and still work remains. 24 man hours and several yet to go ... I guess the thought of how wood warms you several times is true as today folks who started with sweatshirts soon were in shirt sleeves.

Dinner was a kind of quiet meal- many exhausted bodies around the table. yet there is satisfaction in a day spent moving muscle, moving nature and accomplishing tasks that were set out to be done.

I thanked the Lord for the blessing of work, for the priviledge of it.... a jail work detail reminded me of how many are not free to work outside, health issues trap others within their bodies and homes. Ahh the blessing of moving leaves, limbs and dirt... spring is here again!