God is in the midst

Last month there was a moment when my bear spoke of numbness in his face.  As the weekend progressed it became worse and worse.  Monday he saw the doc as one friend was concerned of stroke, it was ruled out.  The following day he was sent off to get a MRI.  We took it in stride, only quietly wondering at the speed of the testing.  Thursday we sat in a neurologists office and heard that MS was high on the suspect list.

The previous Sunday MS was on a laundry list of possibliites.  I told my bear that if it was MS we'd sell the house and move to a simpler house- he replied that we'd move to the country so he could live out his days as he delighted to.  The neurologist encouraged us that MS was not what it once was- that the drugs have come a long way since 20 + years ago.  25+ years ago I cared for a mother who had MS and was wheelchair bound.  23+ years ago a friend was often thought of as drunk because she stumbled as she walked fighting for independence rather than cane assistance.  These are my first thought of MS.  Recently a neighbor spoke of her energetic fit sister as having MS- not what I anticipated ever to be on her list of life issues.  Another friend spoke of a diagnosis that came 10+ years ago with only occassional flares.

Today we returned to the doctor after a month away.  In the past month a lumbar puncture was done and we waited for results.  The numbness started to disapate.  We came to realization that perhaps there is more to this life than the beautiful moneypit that has consumed us more than we ever wanted it to.  We rejoiced at a bonus from work and splurged on a ATV and went on our first "modern horseback ride" as a couple.  It was wonderful- no thoughts of house or ailments.  We have started to reconsider many things that have been stressors and burdens and occupiers of us.  Perhaps we are jumping the gun, shell shocked.   perhaps we are just beginning to see a clearer.

Today we were told that there is no confirming MS- only reading the signs and all things point that way right now.  There is no map of what lies ahead, it is a day to day adventure that will only be known by today.  and today, and today.  Our hope is that this will have been a season of reevaluating and relaxing and reprioritizing.  Our hope that this is not a season of preparation of what is to come.  We don't know, yet we know the One who holds our lives in His hands.

So, we are looking at life a bit differently, trusting God to walk through this journey with us.  Enjoying the days of sunshine and trail rides and trying to keep things in perspective.  We are getting to know our neighbors a bit, playing with children on the lawn and learning to eat well so our bodies will be strong against free radicals and things that would tear us down.

Of recent i have misspoke the phrase - humility (pride) comes before the fall- and we are learning to walk with a bit more humility- a bit more dependent and needy and transparent and vulnerable- easy-no, delightful to the Lord- yes!

where are you finding God in your midst?