Several weeks ago I found myself in tears with a dear friend. She was tearing up with memories of her love departing. I teared up from the fresh grief i was living with. She spoke of how she had ten years to prepare for K's departure for they knew his illness would end with parting, and yet it was so unexpected. I have had almost 21 to prepare for my girl to launch and yet that week had been a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts.
this morning i awoke with the thought of a bird beating against a cage. watching such activity is hard o the eyes and the heart. one who longs to soar and has sights beyond their present limits but is still trying to fly within their limited space. even as 'peace, be still" was spoken, and yet the inner turmoil seemed too great to settle the heart that was full of unrest. watching a dear one wrestle and struggle and react rather than slow down to consider and respond well has been challenging. we have had moments of settling and what looked like a return to normal flight patterns and then once again the pressing of limits and flying without reguard to the flight tower counsel would continue. clouded vision seemed to cause all things to be interpreted on a different plane than those who stood further back.
And so as seasons go we have once again found ourself in a new season. Just as I once anticipated parenting Sam would look one way but it has turned out quite differently, in this season my anticipation has not been much like my hopes and dreams. And with that dissappointment has come some anger and feeling of being cheated of what I might reap. Ffor now it is hard to see the hidden harvest, but i am hopeful for a later harvest. i just don't see it blooming this week or this month. Perhaps a perenniel plan is what i have been investing in, not the showy annuals that spring up and last for a season, perenniels are planted and give us long service and enjoyment for years. some years they come up differently than anticipated, and then the following year they return to normal patterns.
So, as my bird has flown the coop, launched herself into independent adult living, I now wander the cage she left behind. it has been stripped of all that she was, a closet and a few bookcases remain of her belongings. this homne that has not felt like a home to her is adjusting to less members. we know we cannot hold back adulthood, and so she went, sadly not with our joy and delight and anticipation of what would lie ahead. Rather it was a sudden departure with only moments notice of its reality in our lives, and then it was. so, we find ourselves prayng and storming heaven that she will find protectin and wisdom amidst the many lessons that adult living brings.
Last night as we escaped the all too quiet house, with the blessed distraction of errands and I found my stomach turn as I ate at a favorite place, i realized that this grief thing will take a bit of time to work thought. we are in the midst of a season of change, which means letting go of old and growing new. i told my dear one that i am trying to find my footing. i am thinking of what this new season will allow, anticipating some of the freedoms to come for us. i am also seeing that open palms make for great landing spots for birds in flight.
so as the tears come in the days ahead, as i am sure they will, for it seems that my heart was restocked with a large tank last week, i will grieve, pray and cast my eyes to the future. for now, the new flight patterns may hold joy, but just as this is a season of change for me, it is for her as well, and familiar places are often returned to for comfort and remewal. so, as I tend the perenniels around me, I will pray for my birdie and trust God to care for her as she explores other gardens.
Showing posts with label Family life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family life. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Friday, April 6, 2012
Changes and transformations
We are in the midst of a season of change here in Toney. It comes at us all around- children, cars and surroundings. Change is good, change is hard, change is character building and makes me Christ dependent. Some days I am overwhelmed and undone, some days I delight in the new possibilities.
Months ago I casaully mentioned to a friend that if they ever wanted to sell their well cared for Camry let us know. we received a call last month and now own this car- a delight, a good change. It answered the question of what to do with our "zippy" car- a nissan 240sx that the Mr has been falling into and crawling out of in an effort to save gas. All that was good, the no a/c not so much. Zippy is now on the market and we hope the man who longs for it enough to offer more than asking so that we would hold it will soon arrive and take it home.
A few years ago I saw the writing on the wall that our time was limited with our older children. Like a slow ticking clock the months and years have passed and the time of departure has drawn closer and come to pass for some. This week our oldest will move out, thus leaving only one child at home. We have rejoiced and cheered on some moves, others have been harder to bear, change can be melencholic - sometimes a high, sometimes a low. We work on leveling out as each settles into young adult living on their own. We settle into praying for each by name nightly around the dinner table as they spread to the north and south of the US and soon enough some will cross the globe to serve the needs of the soldiers and another may soon be a Marine on duty in remote places.
As news of rooms emptying began my brain engaged in dreaming of new uses for spaces. There was anxiousness for change, yet a desire to linger in what was at the same time. Eventually it occurred to me that I could move forward in each season, as needs arose. Last week a green room became blue- more neutral, calming and covering where each hole and freshening the space. We anticipated a new resident to move in, but soon word came that the eldest was on his way to far off adventure and when choice was given the tan room with "cool lights" trumped the new blue room. So the future guest room is now serving as a temporary room - the boy is like goldilocks as to which bed he will sleep in. Last night we changed what has been the boys room for 6 + years into a living space. Futon was installed, wall unit was turned and transformed into room divider and again transformed this morning into a quilt design wall on its backside. Slowly pictures are going up and I am contemplating how each piece of furniture will work where and how. Fun changes, simplifying, spreading out and giving dedicated space for interests to be pursued. I continue to consider and dream of what is ahead for that space. This weekend it will be the temporary guest room, next week it may well find itself to be my sewing space and a den....
So as I seek the feet of Christ to keep me soft and pliable, willing to embrace this season of change I find the adjustments easier. When i center on me alone, the cracks come, the sense of loss is heavier, the joy is missed. This is a season we knew would come, we hopefully prepared the kinder for, and there is much delight as they launch well. There is delight in the changes we are int he midst of and the ones that lie ahead. And i find that unexpectedly i am being transformed in the midst of letting go, of releasing, or trusting. I guess that is the most unexpected part of the changes- i know they were happening, i just did not exxpect there to be change within.
Months ago I casaully mentioned to a friend that if they ever wanted to sell their well cared for Camry let us know. we received a call last month and now own this car- a delight, a good change. It answered the question of what to do with our "zippy" car- a nissan 240sx that the Mr has been falling into and crawling out of in an effort to save gas. All that was good, the no a/c not so much. Zippy is now on the market and we hope the man who longs for it enough to offer more than asking so that we would hold it will soon arrive and take it home.
A few years ago I saw the writing on the wall that our time was limited with our older children. Like a slow ticking clock the months and years have passed and the time of departure has drawn closer and come to pass for some. This week our oldest will move out, thus leaving only one child at home. We have rejoiced and cheered on some moves, others have been harder to bear, change can be melencholic - sometimes a high, sometimes a low. We work on leveling out as each settles into young adult living on their own. We settle into praying for each by name nightly around the dinner table as they spread to the north and south of the US and soon enough some will cross the globe to serve the needs of the soldiers and another may soon be a Marine on duty in remote places.
As news of rooms emptying began my brain engaged in dreaming of new uses for spaces. There was anxiousness for change, yet a desire to linger in what was at the same time. Eventually it occurred to me that I could move forward in each season, as needs arose. Last week a green room became blue- more neutral, calming and covering where each hole and freshening the space. We anticipated a new resident to move in, but soon word came that the eldest was on his way to far off adventure and when choice was given the tan room with "cool lights" trumped the new blue room. So the future guest room is now serving as a temporary room - the boy is like goldilocks as to which bed he will sleep in. Last night we changed what has been the boys room for 6 + years into a living space. Futon was installed, wall unit was turned and transformed into room divider and again transformed this morning into a quilt design wall on its backside. Slowly pictures are going up and I am contemplating how each piece of furniture will work where and how. Fun changes, simplifying, spreading out and giving dedicated space for interests to be pursued. I continue to consider and dream of what is ahead for that space. This weekend it will be the temporary guest room, next week it may well find itself to be my sewing space and a den....
So as I seek the feet of Christ to keep me soft and pliable, willing to embrace this season of change I find the adjustments easier. When i center on me alone, the cracks come, the sense of loss is heavier, the joy is missed. This is a season we knew would come, we hopefully prepared the kinder for, and there is much delight as they launch well. There is delight in the changes we are int he midst of and the ones that lie ahead. And i find that unexpectedly i am being transformed in the midst of letting go, of releasing, or trusting. I guess that is the most unexpected part of the changes- i know they were happening, i just did not exxpect there to be change within.
Friday, March 23, 2012
When did it happen?
When our kids are young it seems that some days last forever and we cannot wait for the evening to come, to tuck them into bed and slow down the pace of life for a few short minutes before falling exhausted into our own slumber. Folks tell you that the years will fly, but in the midst of the busy seasons of parenting it is hard to see the pages of the seasons turning.
This week my girl turned 21. Two years ago my first turned 21. In two short years the next will become an official adult, though in our book he is already one as he is serving his country as a Marine.
As I look back over the years it is hard to know when my girl transitioned from toddler to girl to teen and now a young adult. Was it after falling asleep on her lambie? Was it after being frightened by her pirate brother? After the tea party when she dressed like a young lady though still quite young? After rescuing 100+ worms stranded by a rainstorm or splashing in mudpuddles? Was it in the midst of a camping trip? As she dreaded growing up or maybe as she accepted that she was going to grow up and began to pursue becoming a lady with a passion?
Perhaps it came about as she trusted her life toCchrist, reached out to others around her, began to cook and bake and learn to run a house? Maybe as she joined her brothers in chores and became her daddy's girl yet retreated to good books when the work was done. Maybe it was amidst school work and learning that she was ok with having curls and dressing to suit herself, and not another. Or perhaps as she looked to the future and began to dream? As she stepped from high school into the work force, then moved on to college as her main time commitment? In the midst of summers away, seeking freedom and independence and yet seeing God's provision and protection when she was sometimes not aware of the need? Maybe it was on the river white water rafting or around a campfire or riding the backroads with fellow campers? Maybe while traveling and she answered the call to adulthood at the phone booth on the side of the road along a trip while taking a picture?
I don't know that any of us can pinpoint exactly when we transtition. Ocassionally there is an event that helps us to move to the next stage of life. I recall a walk up stairs that preceded a decision of love and movement into a new season of life. Most of the time I arrive at a new season surprised to wake up and see that the season has changed. So it has been for me in the past months. All of a sudden the house is a bit quieter, the exit sign has flashed quicker than expected. All of a sudden the days of children in the house is waning and we are seeing that which we anticipated come to pass. The relationships become more precious and we cherish the interactions, as their future quantity is undefined. We adjust to the reality that change happens, that our job as parenting another child has changed to walking through life alongside another adult.
These days we have transitioned to the reality that our girl is no longer our little girl. She has grown up. As parents letting go is always challenging, all the more so when it is your first and only- may God bless the hearts of all the firsts and onlies, as we parents learn and make so many mistakes as we learn with them, they pave the way for the siblings who follow. Our girl is now a young adult, we are learning to love in new ways. We are learning to rejoice in new aspects of life. we are learning to step back and allow life lessons to occur, no longer rushing in to intercept a fall and kiss away boo boos, though in our hearts we would love to build protective bubbles about our children, they are no longer children.
And so we rejoice in the years of the past, the sweet memories. we rejoice in the gift of children, the blessing of the relationships we have. we rejoice that each child has been blessed with good health and a life full of loving relationships. we rejoice that for so many years our nest was not empty, and the possiblity that the future generation may one day come to fill it with noise again. We live with open palms, open arms, surrendering our blessings to God and the life He would have them live out. And in the quiet of the afternoon and evening we rejoice to not be battling tired children, but our weary bodies can simply rest and cheer on those yet in the season of intense childraising.
This week my girl turned 21. Two years ago my first turned 21. In two short years the next will become an official adult, though in our book he is already one as he is serving his country as a Marine.
As I look back over the years it is hard to know when my girl transitioned from toddler to girl to teen and now a young adult. Was it after falling asleep on her lambie? Was it after being frightened by her pirate brother? After the tea party when she dressed like a young lady though still quite young? After rescuing 100+ worms stranded by a rainstorm or splashing in mudpuddles? Was it in the midst of a camping trip? As she dreaded growing up or maybe as she accepted that she was going to grow up and began to pursue becoming a lady with a passion?
Perhaps it came about as she trusted her life toCchrist, reached out to others around her, began to cook and bake and learn to run a house? Maybe as she joined her brothers in chores and became her daddy's girl yet retreated to good books when the work was done. Maybe it was amidst school work and learning that she was ok with having curls and dressing to suit herself, and not another. Or perhaps as she looked to the future and began to dream? As she stepped from high school into the work force, then moved on to college as her main time commitment? In the midst of summers away, seeking freedom and independence and yet seeing God's provision and protection when she was sometimes not aware of the need? Maybe it was on the river white water rafting or around a campfire or riding the backroads with fellow campers? Maybe while traveling and she answered the call to adulthood at the phone booth on the side of the road along a trip while taking a picture?
I don't know that any of us can pinpoint exactly when we transtition. Ocassionally there is an event that helps us to move to the next stage of life. I recall a walk up stairs that preceded a decision of love and movement into a new season of life. Most of the time I arrive at a new season surprised to wake up and see that the season has changed. So it has been for me in the past months. All of a sudden the house is a bit quieter, the exit sign has flashed quicker than expected. All of a sudden the days of children in the house is waning and we are seeing that which we anticipated come to pass. The relationships become more precious and we cherish the interactions, as their future quantity is undefined. We adjust to the reality that change happens, that our job as parenting another child has changed to walking through life alongside another adult.
These days we have transitioned to the reality that our girl is no longer our little girl. She has grown up. As parents letting go is always challenging, all the more so when it is your first and only- may God bless the hearts of all the firsts and onlies, as we parents learn and make so many mistakes as we learn with them, they pave the way for the siblings who follow. Our girl is now a young adult, we are learning to love in new ways. We are learning to rejoice in new aspects of life. we are learning to step back and allow life lessons to occur, no longer rushing in to intercept a fall and kiss away boo boos, though in our hearts we would love to build protective bubbles about our children, they are no longer children.
And so we rejoice in the years of the past, the sweet memories. we rejoice in the gift of children, the blessing of the relationships we have. we rejoice that each child has been blessed with good health and a life full of loving relationships. we rejoice that for so many years our nest was not empty, and the possiblity that the future generation may one day come to fill it with noise again. We live with open palms, open arms, surrendering our blessings to God and the life He would have them live out. And in the quiet of the afternoon and evening we rejoice to not be battling tired children, but our weary bodies can simply rest and cheer on those yet in the season of intense childraising.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
where did the time go?
I clicked on the blog and found that I had not posted since October- how could that be??? hmmm what filled my life??
Three weeks of October were dedicated to taking the mildew moldy kitchen to its foundation and then building it back to a useable, clean space- my how our knees and old bones ached after all the tile was laid. What a sense of accomplishment came after the final board was laid on the support joists- reinforced and the floor now solid. Not only for us but for the whole neighborhood that pitched in. What an outpouring of support and donation of time we experienced. We had laborors, dish and laundry fairies, food donators - where there was a need it was met in ways only God could orchestrate! What fun to share life with friends and neighbors and to see chaos become order. Joists, subfloor, new plumbing, a bit of rearrranging, rewiring as needed, underlayment and tile. What joy to call the tiling done and done!!! Yipee it was... we were so very weary.
An unexpected blessing amidst the work was getting to know neighbors we'd had little contact with. Johnny and Darlene have entered our life and we are blessed. We enjoyed breakfast recently and ahead is a trip to the mountain and campouts and ???? what fun amidst life to discover more life ahead!
November was a month of rest and recovery as we settled into temporary kitchen aka camp in the kitchen. My hubby made amazing temporary vanity and kitchen sink stands so we could enjoy running water and dishes in our sink, rather than the porch or in the sink while we awaited new cabinets and coutnertops. I bless the inventor of metal rolling shelves and cardboard grape boxes- the mainstay of my kitchen inventory. We also repurposed what were wall cabinets to floor with tops to help us function.
The cabinet ordering brought new lessons of learning as we found that the 4-6 weeks started when the money was paid yet it takes 2-3 weeks before you can safely hand over the down payment to start the process. I adjusted fire and set my sights on a kitchen together by Feb 14th- if you keep expectations low it helps keep disapointments low as well. Finally all plans were finalized and the clock began. The plaid walls were calmed with cream colored paint and we enjoyed a fresh start to our new kitchen.
December was our month of rest- learning to love rolled up pie crust- easy on the back, not bad on the wallet yet a close to homemade taste and the joy of favorite pies to comfort us through the holidays. I enjoyed ignoring all the "to do's" of the kitchen and lived life, quilted and prepared for holiday life. Slowly and quickly the month passed, we were delighted to wake on Christmas morning to snow all around us. We were blessed to be charged with care of our neighbors horses and chickens and so daily we'd walk over and enjoy the critters and the time among nature.
Without realizing it we have come into 2011- the days have passed amidst much life and adventures- the heating system went out quietly in the night to be discovered mid morning following. We had hoped beyond home for another year, but Heil had done his time and was done in. The new system was installed after a few days of enjoying fires in the firepllace and spaceheaters on loan from friends. We are now taking the heating system for granted again- a blessed state to be in.
And now we are back to kitchen work again. All of a sudden the cabinets were ready to install- our kitchen had to once again be emptied out- oh how I was dreading the task, yet it quickly occurred and even now I am reverseing and replacing items only a few days ago were moved out. The cabinet guys were great- the attention to detail wonderful and they look so nice! I am now sorting items, considering what was easy to live without, what is used only ocassionaly and where each needful item should be placed.
I am delighted with a few of the changes- pullouts for heavy mixers and crockpots in deep cupboards- nice! The pantry cabinet with bifold door was dismantled amidst tearout. In its place is a wonderful 11" deep cupboard built in that now holds my dishes- convenient location and so much more storage that it held previously- seems to be about double the space- the BEST bang for the buck of the whole project. The other great change is the removal of the island, dancing the fridge across the floor and the installation of a penninsula- LOVE IT!! and we are yet to get counters- no more fighting for space with folks as we squeeze by one another.
I find I am weary and a bit overwhelmed, think its time for some boxes and purging of stuff, I 've been reading about simplifying... it is in the midst. I am blessed to be in such a season, will enjoy the joy of it yet knowing all seasons come to an end the end of kitchen suite remodel 2010/11 sure sounds good to me as well.
So 2011- welcome and may allow for God to continue to show up and be glorified in our lives as we live this life called Toney life!
Three weeks of October were dedicated to taking the mildew moldy kitchen to its foundation and then building it back to a useable, clean space- my how our knees and old bones ached after all the tile was laid. What a sense of accomplishment came after the final board was laid on the support joists- reinforced and the floor now solid. Not only for us but for the whole neighborhood that pitched in. What an outpouring of support and donation of time we experienced. We had laborors, dish and laundry fairies, food donators - where there was a need it was met in ways only God could orchestrate! What fun to share life with friends and neighbors and to see chaos become order. Joists, subfloor, new plumbing, a bit of rearrranging, rewiring as needed, underlayment and tile. What joy to call the tiling done and done!!! Yipee it was... we were so very weary.
An unexpected blessing amidst the work was getting to know neighbors we'd had little contact with. Johnny and Darlene have entered our life and we are blessed. We enjoyed breakfast recently and ahead is a trip to the mountain and campouts and ???? what fun amidst life to discover more life ahead!
November was a month of rest and recovery as we settled into temporary kitchen aka camp in the kitchen. My hubby made amazing temporary vanity and kitchen sink stands so we could enjoy running water and dishes in our sink, rather than the porch or in the sink while we awaited new cabinets and coutnertops. I bless the inventor of metal rolling shelves and cardboard grape boxes- the mainstay of my kitchen inventory. We also repurposed what were wall cabinets to floor with tops to help us function.
The cabinet ordering brought new lessons of learning as we found that the 4-6 weeks started when the money was paid yet it takes 2-3 weeks before you can safely hand over the down payment to start the process. I adjusted fire and set my sights on a kitchen together by Feb 14th- if you keep expectations low it helps keep disapointments low as well. Finally all plans were finalized and the clock began. The plaid walls were calmed with cream colored paint and we enjoyed a fresh start to our new kitchen.
December was our month of rest- learning to love rolled up pie crust- easy on the back, not bad on the wallet yet a close to homemade taste and the joy of favorite pies to comfort us through the holidays. I enjoyed ignoring all the "to do's" of the kitchen and lived life, quilted and prepared for holiday life. Slowly and quickly the month passed, we were delighted to wake on Christmas morning to snow all around us. We were blessed to be charged with care of our neighbors horses and chickens and so daily we'd walk over and enjoy the critters and the time among nature.
Without realizing it we have come into 2011- the days have passed amidst much life and adventures- the heating system went out quietly in the night to be discovered mid morning following. We had hoped beyond home for another year, but Heil had done his time and was done in. The new system was installed after a few days of enjoying fires in the firepllace and spaceheaters on loan from friends. We are now taking the heating system for granted again- a blessed state to be in.
And now we are back to kitchen work again. All of a sudden the cabinets were ready to install- our kitchen had to once again be emptied out- oh how I was dreading the task, yet it quickly occurred and even now I am reverseing and replacing items only a few days ago were moved out. The cabinet guys were great- the attention to detail wonderful and they look so nice! I am now sorting items, considering what was easy to live without, what is used only ocassionaly and where each needful item should be placed.
I am delighted with a few of the changes- pullouts for heavy mixers and crockpots in deep cupboards- nice! The pantry cabinet with bifold door was dismantled amidst tearout. In its place is a wonderful 11" deep cupboard built in that now holds my dishes- convenient location and so much more storage that it held previously- seems to be about double the space- the BEST bang for the buck of the whole project. The other great change is the removal of the island, dancing the fridge across the floor and the installation of a penninsula- LOVE IT!! and we are yet to get counters- no more fighting for space with folks as we squeeze by one another.
I find I am weary and a bit overwhelmed, think its time for some boxes and purging of stuff, I 've been reading about simplifying... it is in the midst. I am blessed to be in such a season, will enjoy the joy of it yet knowing all seasons come to an end the end of kitchen suite remodel 2010/11 sure sounds good to me as well.
So 2011- welcome and may allow for God to continue to show up and be glorified in our lives as we live this life called Toney life!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Waking to the sound of a power tool
It is 644 am and a few minutes ago I awoke to the sound of a power tool. Work, work, hard grueling work has been happening here. A smell of mildew, dishwasher leak, floor replacement turned into reframing the support under the kitchen,bath and laundry with plumbing changes and some major structural support addition. all discovered along the way to changing the floor out to be rid of wet wood. Along the way more wet wood discovered and today mold behind exterior wall drywall awaits us.
We live a life of ease, most of the time, until it is time to work on the house. Now we eat on the front porch, which I am so glad for. The pantry and cupboards are spread through the back porch,dining room and all the way into my room. and the sound of power tools and hammers is continual.
Small errors ignored, short cuts and cob jobs revealed bring forth more work. Injuries are quickly dealt with as fingers and skin get owwies and the men who are true men press on, working,sweating and encouraging one another for the job that is ahead. how blessed we are to have guys that embrace our painful situation with us. Who have the vision to tear up the floor and put terra firma beneath. who ache and hurt but do not allow that to sway them to leave. and in this day of "i deserve" they do it out of care and concern and not the greenback- for the insurance funds will cover materials, if we are fortunate.
It is not often that folks in middle class america work so hard, that we have opportunity to enjoy the community that comes with hard labor. this week it is happening at our house. Young men are getting a chance to learn life skills and watch men be men and work hard.
another trip to the box store that has it all is on the horizon, time to get the paper and pen and make the list. another day of work lies ahead.
We live a life of ease, most of the time, until it is time to work on the house. Now we eat on the front porch, which I am so glad for. The pantry and cupboards are spread through the back porch,dining room and all the way into my room. and the sound of power tools and hammers is continual.
Small errors ignored, short cuts and cob jobs revealed bring forth more work. Injuries are quickly dealt with as fingers and skin get owwies and the men who are true men press on, working,sweating and encouraging one another for the job that is ahead. how blessed we are to have guys that embrace our painful situation with us. Who have the vision to tear up the floor and put terra firma beneath. who ache and hurt but do not allow that to sway them to leave. and in this day of "i deserve" they do it out of care and concern and not the greenback- for the insurance funds will cover materials, if we are fortunate.
It is not often that folks in middle class america work so hard, that we have opportunity to enjoy the community that comes with hard labor. this week it is happening at our house. Young men are getting a chance to learn life skills and watch men be men and work hard.
another trip to the box store that has it all is on the horizon, time to get the paper and pen and make the list. another day of work lies ahead.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Living among sinners, myself the chief among them
Family life can be longed for and sought after, idolized and idealized. The reality is that it is work and joy, pain and pleasure. As much fun as we have together we are individuals each with our own private struggles, visions and desires. We live and breathe together, sometimes well and well, sometimes we wonder why we are together.
Amidst our recent weariness we've had some of those well days... where things have not gone so well. Yet the glue sticks and we struggle along side by side, desperate and needy together and as individuals. Sometimes so worn prayer is hard to even speak, but even then aware that the Lord is aware of our neediness. He is ever watching this sinner, and all those that surround me. He is ever orchestrating events in our lives to bring us to the end of ourselves and allowing opportunities for brokeness and dependence upon Him.
In Exodus when God first tells us of himself - "The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin." I am reminded of how great He is and how far reaching his love is.
The word of God goes on to tell us how He reveals sin to allow future generations to deal with it and find healing. For that I am greatful for as much as I long to not carry on the sins of my family again and again I am living them out. I have become my mother, my father, and all my relatives, as though drawn with invisible strings through the passage of time, and all the while proud and arrogant that I am in the right, and I know best and it is not me. And then the Lord brings another along to nick my vaneer and reveal my sin, my pride, my false front and shine the light of His truth and I am once again undone.
And God picks me up, holds me as I recover from my shock, which is not a shock for Him, and forgives and guides me again. he gives strength to my weariness and hope to my dispair. He is the peace within my heart.
And my family somehow continues to love and forgive and live among me- with all my quirks, annoyances and demands that I am so very clueless to. And I somehow receive their grace and am able to face them even though I am a mess. the blessing of family- knowing we dont have it all together and enjoying the journey even though there are pitstops when the mess of our sin comes to the surface.
And so we move along ... slowly, thoughtfully, prayerfully, a bit humbled, aware of our need, desperate for God to show Himself once again... and being the loving gracious God that He is I know He will show up and shine.
So as I begin a new day I thank the Lord for family, for sweet times of fellowship amidst the business of life. For each of the members, each of my characters and the way he made them each individuals. I am thankful for the grace they bestow and the way they pull together rather than flee in weary seasons. I am thankful for each of them.
Amidst our recent weariness we've had some of those well days... where things have not gone so well. Yet the glue sticks and we struggle along side by side, desperate and needy together and as individuals. Sometimes so worn prayer is hard to even speak, but even then aware that the Lord is aware of our neediness. He is ever watching this sinner, and all those that surround me. He is ever orchestrating events in our lives to bring us to the end of ourselves and allowing opportunities for brokeness and dependence upon Him.
In Exodus when God first tells us of himself - "The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin." I am reminded of how great He is and how far reaching his love is.
The word of God goes on to tell us how He reveals sin to allow future generations to deal with it and find healing. For that I am greatful for as much as I long to not carry on the sins of my family again and again I am living them out. I have become my mother, my father, and all my relatives, as though drawn with invisible strings through the passage of time, and all the while proud and arrogant that I am in the right, and I know best and it is not me. And then the Lord brings another along to nick my vaneer and reveal my sin, my pride, my false front and shine the light of His truth and I am once again undone.
And God picks me up, holds me as I recover from my shock, which is not a shock for Him, and forgives and guides me again. he gives strength to my weariness and hope to my dispair. He is the peace within my heart.
And my family somehow continues to love and forgive and live among me- with all my quirks, annoyances and demands that I am so very clueless to. And I somehow receive their grace and am able to face them even though I am a mess. the blessing of family- knowing we dont have it all together and enjoying the journey even though there are pitstops when the mess of our sin comes to the surface.
And so we move along ... slowly, thoughtfully, prayerfully, a bit humbled, aware of our need, desperate for God to show Himself once again... and being the loving gracious God that He is I know He will show up and shine.
So as I begin a new day I thank the Lord for family, for sweet times of fellowship amidst the business of life. For each of the members, each of my characters and the way he made them each individuals. I am thankful for the grace they bestow and the way they pull together rather than flee in weary seasons. I am thankful for each of them.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Worn and weary
The past few weeks have been full of life - school prep, home repairs and travel. All good, well all of the outcome has been good,yet sometimes the journey has been hard. Now as we settle into a new normal for the fall I find that I am weary, worn out, and I have wondered why.... and then I think back to all that life has held and I begin to realize thata journey with lack of downtime leaves one worn and weary.
As our hot water once again heated up- to scalding my prayer rose to heaven ... God could you please end this season? His clock seemed to indicate it was time for after a week of stressful coping once again, with tempermental hotwater heater an agreement with manufacturer came forth. They would take back their 3rd heater, and give us a refund, we would leave them alone and our huge file would be closed. A local plumber quickly came and made the exchange and the season of tempermental instant hot water heater has ended. We rejoice in the answered prayer and provision. We rejoice to have hot water without thought again. We rejoice to not be wasting our time, energy and thought on hot water heaters that should not be failing and yet are. This is our 4th hot water heater in as many years.
We have spent time visiting friends on the East coast in the past weeks. What fun to reconnect, share life and dream with them of future hopes. Some longing for the pattering of little feet through adoption, others looking for new normal to settle amidst job changes, one longing for health to return and another looking to the future as he transitions to a new location and vocation. We rejoiced at the returning of a solider, enjoying a day by the airfield and the reality of the sacrifice and service of our military families. God walks beside them and in the midst of their lives... we rejoiced at the way He gave height and strength to one for future use and the early return of a loved one. Relationship time... lots of it, so much that I found myself weary and wondering if I was repeating the same stories to the same friends. Yet what fun to cook with a friend who I once started on the path to using a crockpot and baking a cake, a sweet fruit of past labors.
Time was spent in travel and touring our nations capital- amazing was the architecture and beauty as well as the volume of people and the sacrifices made that we take so lightly. It was fun to take our youngest to places he has read about, to see monuments of men we have come to esteem after hearing their stories of sacrifice and commitment. We rejoiced at the ease of travel with a metro system and the delight it was to ride what is norm to many, yet a treat to us.
Home again to the destruction of two kittens.... oh how quickly one forgets what life with kittens can be like. We have two- double the fun or mischief. While away they won the battle of the wreath- what a great source of play toys are the fake flowers for the picking! Since then pin cushions, safety pin bins and many other quick toy resources have had to be restricted. They still may pluck a nut at will for a new toy to scoot about the rug. Home to home cooked food, school starting, daily chores and a garden to clean up, deweed and harvest.
And so goes life, full of sweet memories, full of delight and yet wearying at the same time. Many beds do not always make for restful sleep always. the other night I realized I was using the "other" pillow and now better sleep comes. All part of life... joyous and taxing, rich, delightful and active.
And so in the midst of this season of busyness I found myself surfing the internet, visiting a blog and finding a sanctuary- or maybe a portal to sanctuary. A blog that encourages contemplation, slowing down, simplifying. Taking time to sit with the Lord, to reflect upon His bounty, taste of His sweet spirit to seek to connect with Him, the creator of all and the nurturer of my soul. I am drawn in. I looked around a bit found a network of blogs that seek to (in)courage women and later another grouping that desires to walk through the work of life with one another that we might glorify God in our dailiness. I am convicted by my lack of dwelling, my lack of sitting at the feet of the One who rests my soul. I choose to make the short journey there, and I feel the refreshment as I enter in.
So like a weary traveler I am home again. Slowing down my pace, taking time to rest on the back porch, seeking time at the feet of the source of life. To slow down on commitments, turning off autopilot as much as possible. To rest, to restore, to enjoy and consider and dwell. I am finding blessing in this slower pace, in more communion and less doing, doing, doing.
And so I am entering a season of rest- pausing to refresh and reflect and listen anew to the creator.
a few days ago while driving a group of deer were crossing the road. one made the journey across, another backtracked. the fawn sought its mother and then rejoicing in life romped about momma. More energy and joy to be spent the fawn raced in figure 8's around momma a few times, in and out of the woods. A treat of nature we had not seen before, and was a delight to behold. it would have been easily missed had I chosen to just continue to drive, but the willingness to slow down and enjoy the created creature reaped a special treat.
May you find a quiet place to catch up to yourself amidst the pace of this life. to seek the Savior, contemplate His truths and allow His peace to permiate your life.
As our hot water once again heated up- to scalding my prayer rose to heaven ... God could you please end this season? His clock seemed to indicate it was time for after a week of stressful coping once again, with tempermental hotwater heater an agreement with manufacturer came forth. They would take back their 3rd heater, and give us a refund, we would leave them alone and our huge file would be closed. A local plumber quickly came and made the exchange and the season of tempermental instant hot water heater has ended. We rejoice in the answered prayer and provision. We rejoice to have hot water without thought again. We rejoice to not be wasting our time, energy and thought on hot water heaters that should not be failing and yet are. This is our 4th hot water heater in as many years.
We have spent time visiting friends on the East coast in the past weeks. What fun to reconnect, share life and dream with them of future hopes. Some longing for the pattering of little feet through adoption, others looking for new normal to settle amidst job changes, one longing for health to return and another looking to the future as he transitions to a new location and vocation. We rejoiced at the returning of a solider, enjoying a day by the airfield and the reality of the sacrifice and service of our military families. God walks beside them and in the midst of their lives... we rejoiced at the way He gave height and strength to one for future use and the early return of a loved one. Relationship time... lots of it, so much that I found myself weary and wondering if I was repeating the same stories to the same friends. Yet what fun to cook with a friend who I once started on the path to using a crockpot and baking a cake, a sweet fruit of past labors.
Time was spent in travel and touring our nations capital- amazing was the architecture and beauty as well as the volume of people and the sacrifices made that we take so lightly. It was fun to take our youngest to places he has read about, to see monuments of men we have come to esteem after hearing their stories of sacrifice and commitment. We rejoiced at the ease of travel with a metro system and the delight it was to ride what is norm to many, yet a treat to us.
Home again to the destruction of two kittens.... oh how quickly one forgets what life with kittens can be like. We have two- double the fun or mischief. While away they won the battle of the wreath- what a great source of play toys are the fake flowers for the picking! Since then pin cushions, safety pin bins and many other quick toy resources have had to be restricted. They still may pluck a nut at will for a new toy to scoot about the rug. Home to home cooked food, school starting, daily chores and a garden to clean up, deweed and harvest.
And so goes life, full of sweet memories, full of delight and yet wearying at the same time. Many beds do not always make for restful sleep always. the other night I realized I was using the "other" pillow and now better sleep comes. All part of life... joyous and taxing, rich, delightful and active.
And so in the midst of this season of busyness I found myself surfing the internet, visiting a blog and finding a sanctuary- or maybe a portal to sanctuary. A blog that encourages contemplation, slowing down, simplifying. Taking time to sit with the Lord, to reflect upon His bounty, taste of His sweet spirit to seek to connect with Him, the creator of all and the nurturer of my soul. I am drawn in. I looked around a bit found a network of blogs that seek to (in)courage women and later another grouping that desires to walk through the work of life with one another that we might glorify God in our dailiness. I am convicted by my lack of dwelling, my lack of sitting at the feet of the One who rests my soul. I choose to make the short journey there, and I feel the refreshment as I enter in.
So like a weary traveler I am home again. Slowing down my pace, taking time to rest on the back porch, seeking time at the feet of the source of life. To slow down on commitments, turning off autopilot as much as possible. To rest, to restore, to enjoy and consider and dwell. I am finding blessing in this slower pace, in more communion and less doing, doing, doing.
And so I am entering a season of rest- pausing to refresh and reflect and listen anew to the creator.
a few days ago while driving a group of deer were crossing the road. one made the journey across, another backtracked. the fawn sought its mother and then rejoicing in life romped about momma. More energy and joy to be spent the fawn raced in figure 8's around momma a few times, in and out of the woods. A treat of nature we had not seen before, and was a delight to behold. it would have been easily missed had I chosen to just continue to drive, but the willingness to slow down and enjoy the created creature reaped a special treat.
May you find a quiet place to catch up to yourself amidst the pace of this life. to seek the Savior, contemplate His truths and allow His peace to permiate your life.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Monday, monday
What a Monday this has been, full and to the brim with life.
I started the day in the garden in my nightclothes- it was hot and sticky and rainy, but i knew i needed to shower so why bother to change - the tomato harvest was nice, the weed pulling overdue. As the day got rolling with plans to bless therapists with banana muffins my son came seeking a ride to work, his 297,000 mile car was acting odd. Scramble to regroup, remember neighbor has second car and get permission to borrow and he is off in the van. As I try out his car all seems fine, so fine that I later take it to him, swapping for my van.
And so we launch into therapy, library, bowling- never broke 100 but had fun trying, and thrift shops as well as BK for lunch. First thrift shop no major score, but second- God did it agaiin! My dear neighbor who allows us to rack up pool points has found her tall outdoor chairs falling out from under her- she was down to one and in dire need of replacements. She had scoured the new stores, and found they were $$$, but so functional that she was willing to buy replacements. As I walked into the shop today what awaited once again amazed me- a set, almost identical to what was at her house, a bit fancier- 4 tall chairs and new to her table for what she might pay for one chair new! When she found out she went and bought it, and my husband, who happened to have his truck in town, picked it up and delivered the set.
What fun to see God care for needs and wants once again.
Home again I tornado cleaned to restore order to our house. Mondays out are always a bit of a stretch. I had posted things on ebay- they sold and were packaged- a blessing to me- a $20 purchase netted an abundant gift to relatives, and about $100 in sales- more than compensating the original cost and many little girls will be enjoying the bounty of the original purchase! fun!
We redeemed some pool point time- what fun i have enjoying the kids in the water and then when Dad joins in it ramps up the fun. He becomes the leach that they cling to and are launched from. Sam wrestled with other boys- being tossed and tossing them into the pool.
As I anticipated the evening ending our son returned home, and he and Dad gave a look see to the car. A few hours later a minor tuneup is done, with more work ahead as a radiator leak was found and new wires are yet to be installed, but a quieter, happier engine seems to be in the faithful transport. They are now gladly holding down cushions and waiting to rest.
Monday- a bit full but also abundant in blessings and bounty of life!
I started the day in the garden in my nightclothes- it was hot and sticky and rainy, but i knew i needed to shower so why bother to change - the tomato harvest was nice, the weed pulling overdue. As the day got rolling with plans to bless therapists with banana muffins my son came seeking a ride to work, his 297,000 mile car was acting odd. Scramble to regroup, remember neighbor has second car and get permission to borrow and he is off in the van. As I try out his car all seems fine, so fine that I later take it to him, swapping for my van.
And so we launch into therapy, library, bowling- never broke 100 but had fun trying, and thrift shops as well as BK for lunch. First thrift shop no major score, but second- God did it agaiin! My dear neighbor who allows us to rack up pool points has found her tall outdoor chairs falling out from under her- she was down to one and in dire need of replacements. She had scoured the new stores, and found they were $$$, but so functional that she was willing to buy replacements. As I walked into the shop today what awaited once again amazed me- a set, almost identical to what was at her house, a bit fancier- 4 tall chairs and new to her table for what she might pay for one chair new! When she found out she went and bought it, and my husband, who happened to have his truck in town, picked it up and delivered the set.
What fun to see God care for needs and wants once again.
Home again I tornado cleaned to restore order to our house. Mondays out are always a bit of a stretch. I had posted things on ebay- they sold and were packaged- a blessing to me- a $20 purchase netted an abundant gift to relatives, and about $100 in sales- more than compensating the original cost and many little girls will be enjoying the bounty of the original purchase! fun!
We redeemed some pool point time- what fun i have enjoying the kids in the water and then when Dad joins in it ramps up the fun. He becomes the leach that they cling to and are launched from. Sam wrestled with other boys- being tossed and tossing them into the pool.
As I anticipated the evening ending our son returned home, and he and Dad gave a look see to the car. A few hours later a minor tuneup is done, with more work ahead as a radiator leak was found and new wires are yet to be installed, but a quieter, happier engine seems to be in the faithful transport. They are now gladly holding down cushions and waiting to rest.
Monday- a bit full but also abundant in blessings and bounty of life!
Monday, November 2, 2009
the blessing of nature
This was a full weekend.
It was a birthday weekend, and a year where the blessings kept coming. They trickled in, were hinted at and meandered through two days with the grand culmination of a formal dinner prepped by our local chef, a French/Russian waiter serving and professional photographer documenting it all. A bit over the top, a bit overwhelming, A huge blessing from those who love me.
Thursday was busy with routine obligations and a missed the busy detour thrown in. My first cake awaited me- a great creation of pumpkin sitting in "dirt"- yum! Dinner was enjoyed at the mexican resteraunt nearby- Best Food Yes! they tell us and we agree. I think I barely ate the next day as the food was so good. Cake #2 was Friday afternoon snack as it was the soonest we had room for such a delight. A great appetizer for the dinner ahead.
My bear and I enjoyed a walk in the local woods... great predate activity. Nature does so much to restore me within. Leaves of all colors dancing through the air, grasses drying as they wave. So many memories of mine are connected with woods, fields and slowing the pace.
Friday night my love escorted me to the neighbors cabin where we were quickly seated by the matri di (she?). Sparkling bubbly soon followed and thus began the many courses... crab stuffed mushrooms, homemade french bread with dipping sauce, salad, artichoke, garlic sauted green beans and potatoes of choice. I thought the next course was the topper- Lobster! and oh my was it fun and delicious, but the dessert was about its equal- terimisu! YUM YUM YUM !!! all of it wonderful, delightful and a blessing. My children and the girls who children of our heart all served and blessed us with their presence and service. Matthew was our photographer, Elizabeth the su chef, Daniel our french/russian waiter, Bette and Jose his assistants and Jesse serenaded us with violin music! It ws fun to be part of both as recipeint and as bystander, hearing the kids work and play togehter in the kitchen. To enjoy their talents and willingness to serve others. To make memories together. To share a meal of such delight and blessing with friends who are as family.
What a day, what a night, what a birthday blessing. what scheming family and friends and neighbors... what a life. And the weekend was half over.
Saturday I reluctantly went to a yardsale, to bless my bear, I had other plans. Seems God may have had plans as well. We made a curiosity inquiry about a Jenn Air double wall oven that sat in the garage and were told it was free to whoever would take it away. we did a doubletake. (Our oven door glass departed us a few weeks ago and is on the slate for replacement (stove) when we get to remod.) we had talked about a wall oven. Free, 5 yr old, jenn air. hmmm... van ??? Yes, we fit it in the van and it now awaits our dreams to move to action. who would have thunk??? The rest of the day was filled with college grad for a friend... being part of the end of what was worked so hard on. And then trunk or treat...serving the community to help them have sweet memories of family time and the scent of Jesus in the midst of what can be a dark holiday. All good and busy and satisfying activities.
Sunday I awoke with a question of what to do- home or nature. I chose nature. After such a busy, busy weekend the idea of retreating to the woods seemed a salve for the harried life we lived over the past few days. We grabbed the youngest and loaded the van, and off we went. What peaceful beauty awaited us as we drove throught Tennessee countryside, walked on paths, pebble beaches and wooded lanes. We enjoyed the breezes off the lake, the decay of catfish larger than I think I knew existed, birds flying out of their wooden roost and dazzling us with their beauty. All of it renewing, bringig peace, contentment and a settling within.
So often I find that I resist going out when I am worn down. Yet when I do venture into nature I find that I am renewed. Maybe it is the sun, the breeze, the beauty???? Maybe it is just the tonic that God created it to be... it is Good!
Life returns to "normal" today... the cakes are about gone, one piece of tarimisu awaits in the fridge and the routine of the week awaits my engaging. I am ready, I have spent time rejoicing in the creation of my Lord, gazing at His beauty and resting on His day! I am blessed indeed!
It was a birthday weekend, and a year where the blessings kept coming. They trickled in, were hinted at and meandered through two days with the grand culmination of a formal dinner prepped by our local chef, a French/Russian waiter serving and professional photographer documenting it all. A bit over the top, a bit overwhelming, A huge blessing from those who love me.
Thursday was busy with routine obligations and a missed the busy detour thrown in. My first cake awaited me- a great creation of pumpkin sitting in "dirt"- yum! Dinner was enjoyed at the mexican resteraunt nearby- Best Food Yes! they tell us and we agree. I think I barely ate the next day as the food was so good. Cake #2 was Friday afternoon snack as it was the soonest we had room for such a delight. A great appetizer for the dinner ahead.
My bear and I enjoyed a walk in the local woods... great predate activity. Nature does so much to restore me within. Leaves of all colors dancing through the air, grasses drying as they wave. So many memories of mine are connected with woods, fields and slowing the pace.
Friday night my love escorted me to the neighbors cabin where we were quickly seated by the matri di (she?). Sparkling bubbly soon followed and thus began the many courses... crab stuffed mushrooms, homemade french bread with dipping sauce, salad, artichoke, garlic sauted green beans and potatoes of choice. I thought the next course was the topper- Lobster! and oh my was it fun and delicious, but the dessert was about its equal- terimisu! YUM YUM YUM !!! all of it wonderful, delightful and a blessing. My children and the girls who children of our heart all served and blessed us with their presence and service. Matthew was our photographer, Elizabeth the su chef, Daniel our french/russian waiter, Bette and Jose his assistants and Jesse serenaded us with violin music! It ws fun to be part of both as recipeint and as bystander, hearing the kids work and play togehter in the kitchen. To enjoy their talents and willingness to serve others. To make memories together. To share a meal of such delight and blessing with friends who are as family.
What a day, what a night, what a birthday blessing. what scheming family and friends and neighbors... what a life. And the weekend was half over.
Saturday I reluctantly went to a yardsale, to bless my bear, I had other plans. Seems God may have had plans as well. We made a curiosity inquiry about a Jenn Air double wall oven that sat in the garage and were told it was free to whoever would take it away. we did a doubletake. (Our oven door glass departed us a few weeks ago and is on the slate for replacement (stove) when we get to remod.) we had talked about a wall oven. Free, 5 yr old, jenn air. hmmm... van ??? Yes, we fit it in the van and it now awaits our dreams to move to action. who would have thunk??? The rest of the day was filled with college grad for a friend... being part of the end of what was worked so hard on. And then trunk or treat...serving the community to help them have sweet memories of family time and the scent of Jesus in the midst of what can be a dark holiday. All good and busy and satisfying activities.
Sunday I awoke with a question of what to do- home or nature. I chose nature. After such a busy, busy weekend the idea of retreating to the woods seemed a salve for the harried life we lived over the past few days. We grabbed the youngest and loaded the van, and off we went. What peaceful beauty awaited us as we drove throught Tennessee countryside, walked on paths, pebble beaches and wooded lanes. We enjoyed the breezes off the lake, the decay of catfish larger than I think I knew existed, birds flying out of their wooden roost and dazzling us with their beauty. All of it renewing, bringig peace, contentment and a settling within.
So often I find that I resist going out when I am worn down. Yet when I do venture into nature I find that I am renewed. Maybe it is the sun, the breeze, the beauty???? Maybe it is just the tonic that God created it to be... it is Good!
Life returns to "normal" today... the cakes are about gone, one piece of tarimisu awaits in the fridge and the routine of the week awaits my engaging. I am ready, I have spent time rejoicing in the creation of my Lord, gazing at His beauty and resting on His day! I am blessed indeed!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
If you go to Julie and Julia....
I feel like a character in the if you give a mouse a cookie book. If you go to see the movie Julie and Julia you willbe inspired by all the food and you will want to cook. If you open your cookbook you will think back on the movie. If you stumble upon a Julia related cookbook you will buy it......
So, I went to the movie, it was inspirational to me, has me thinking about cooking through a cookbook. I found that in the week following I was drying my meat so that it would brown, I was giving mushrooms space so they would saute better.The gleaned hints worked! And so I began to dream about cooking my way through a cookbook.
On Sunday I stopped at our local perpetual yardsale/ flea market and stumbled upon Baking with Julia. I opened it and the breads drew me in, crusty and appealing, so for $3 I had the cookbook to begin my journey. For the next few days I have wandered through it dreaming of the breads that would come. I bought my first bag of rye flour only to realize later that I did not have caraway seeds and it may be important, so since I am trying to be true to Julia's honor I will wait so that I may stick close (exact) to the receipe as possible.
Then I found myself returning again and again to this picture. I was inspired to try my hand at this crusty crunchy Potato Bread. The receipe was easy to follow and I think it came out well. The smell is wafting through the house, drawing studying children down from afar. The first hungry soul offered to cut me a piece but I declined yet when I went out to take pictures I found I could not resist, and yes, it was worth the work. It is crusty yet tender.
Spritzing water in the oven does make a difference, ice cubes on the bottom of the oven did not destroy it. Maybe the stone that it was baked on also made for a crispy crust.
I think I am going back to my past endevours and will again be baking bread . Bread is a favorite of everyone in the house and I just have not found the wonderful artisian breads that we came to love from the bakeries in NY and Germany. I expect there is a location locally that has them yet I also aniticapate that they are beyond my pricepoint preference or common travel path. So I will be playing in the flour again!
So, thank you Hollywood for the inspiration to bake and my family thanks you as well for who knows what will happen if you go to see Julie and Julia!
Monday, September 7, 2009
Reflections of summer past
Summer is officially over, it is Labor Day, and so even kids in the north will be starting school tomorrow, if they haven't already, we've been hitting the books for over 3 weeks. As I stopped into the blog,I realized tonight that it really has been a long time since I have posted. My dear one is hanging around the saved swampland of the south (Florida) for a few days so tonight seemed a good time to stop and post.
The summer has passed with many busy days and a few down days. It felt like a different kind of summer as the dynamics of the family change with the shifting of children moving into new season. My son is busy burning braincells over Physics 3 and deciphering the accent of a prof along with working 20+ hours a week. Our daughter is settling into another local university to the east of our home. Our middle son spent the summer enjoying life, rescuing deer and waiting for school to begin again. Our youngest spent time working his way through metronome therapy, going to summer camp and enjoying a slower pace as well as some camping with Dad.
Now here we are in September, and schooling has begun again. The therapy that we worked hard on for 6 weeks has paid off. A child who NEVER noticed a joke is now telling us "you are teasing me", he is more interactive, aware and his reading speed has picked up. The 20 second attention span has moved up to 9 minutes. All this has delighted me as a mom and his teacher. We continue to work on learning struggles and life lessons that need to be taught.
The summer was active with canning... chicken, salsa, peaches, salsa, g.beans, salsa, potatoes, salsa, jam and salsa. Yes, we had tomatoes and peppers in moderate abundance, but not enought to can them alone so salsa was my default for a bucket of tomatoes and peppers. we are now blessed with a few shelves of canning jars, lined up and waiting for our appetites. It has been a blessing to also have a jar or two of homemade jam to share with those we love.
This was a summer of wedding travel. Our children are getting of the age where their peers are starting to wed. We traveled to Tennessee to see a childhood friend unite with her beloved amidst a volley of approval. (the outdoor wedding field backed to a skeet shooting range that just happened to be holding a shooting contest as the nupticals were spoken- perfect for a 'country wedding"). The simple wedding was beautiful and rustic, one that reminded me of our own wedding of 26 years ago. It was a sweet time as we visited with old friends and enjoyed the passage of seasons for our friend and her new spouse.
August brought us to the wedding of our "red headed stepson"- a favorite friend of our son and one we shared life with in NC. He and his bride had a beautiful wedding in a chapel and it was fun to watch the family rejoice and enjoy a day of beauty and joy as the couple sealed their commitment with a ring.
The trip to NC was one anticipated on many fronts- visit with friends, time spent sharing life with a girlfriend and the wedding. Life was what happened when I made other plans. My girlfriend had to leave town unexpectedly, yet I was able to spend time with a friend that was unplanned but was of encouragement to both of us. I also stopped by the place of fellowship one evening and had a conversation that left both parties encouraged to press on in life and loving others.
While in NC I began to see God in the midst of my travels in some very real ways. I was driving across town to visit my old neighbors when I noticed that traffic ahead was slowing, soon flashing lights appeared on the horizon. My cell phone rang and as I answered it, I found that it was my girlfriend, at whose house I was staying. She began telling me of her son having had a car accident. As we spoke I realized their accident was ahead of me. She was with her mother in another state and her husband was also traveling out of state. God was caring for their boys amidst a life event, and I was who He was putting there. I was soon on the scene of the accident and in comunication with the boys and caring for them in her stead. We are and were amazed at God's provision in the midst of the mess of the accident to have help so close by.
I made it to my neighbors the following day, finding it to be a blessing to sit in their backyard, enjoying their company and nature. My dear friend has walked down the pink ribbon path, battling breast cancer and as of now, winning. It has shaped and changed them, and given her a desire to encourage and share life with others who will embark upon the same journey. It was a sweet time of sharing life and longing for the minutes to stretch longer as we miss the sporadic chats we once shared amidst gardening. I have reflected upon the peaceful joy I have in the company of many elderly friends, a blessing I never anticipated as a youth, but one I savor as they come into and share life with me.
Along the path home was an exit that would have led to the homes of many of my husband's cousins. My son was anxious to return home so we decided to not call and stop in for a visit, yet I mused to my Lord about the possiblitiy of Him making it possible for us to meet one of them for lunch at that exit. It was a thought, a hope but not truly thought possible,as I never called anyone, yet we did get off the exit where they lived and into Arby's parking lot we pulled. Then my son said "Don't we know that person?" sure enough God had done it, my husband's cousin was standing in the parking lot talking on a cell! I jumped out and rejoiced as his wife came out and we enjoyed a lunch together. It was a sweet time for me as we had not seen them for 3 years. Life had been happening for them and I was able to hear a bit of their story, encourage them and now pray with wisdom for them.. Again, God had intersected our life in an unexpected way.
And not to miss an opportunity to speak of how small this world is for our God I will tell you one last tale of how he can connect people in this vast world to bless those who love Him. A few weeks ago a friend asked a favor of me. I was asked to search for and buy a homeschool book for her. It was a book she needed "yesterday" and so I looked. I found it on half.com- an online posting for selling books throughout the USA. I noticed a posting from AL, as I looked closer I noticed it was our local city. I thought of how it was a shame to wait on postal service rather than connect and pickup the book. On a whim I pulled out the telephone book and looked to see if the name listed was in fact a name. It was, and it was a gal who knew my name. I had not remebered her but she is a MaryKay gal. She agreed to sell the book to us, and my girlfriend picked it up that night. It was huge- as it eased stress in her life, but moreso because it was a way that God showed that he cares about the details of our lives, amidst the mess and stress, amidst the dissappointments and struggles, He is aware. A small thing, a book, and yet a big thing... connections made that perhaps are co-incidental and yet I chose to believe that it was the loving heart of our Heavenly Father that was caring for her daughter that needed encouragement and loving upon.
And so our summer has passed with moments where we have seen the hand of God, moments of life happening when we had other plans, moments of shared struggle and growth, moments of down-time and delight. I have risked my fear, faced th e canner and now it is my friend. I have slowed down and delighted in looser structure yet now enjoy a bit more structure to guide our days.
Perhaps I am back to posting again, not sure... Blogging is like getting a letter from a friend in the mail, a delightful way to catchup, keep up, inspire and encourage as we walk this path of life. Thanks for stopping in, may the month ahead have some moments where you too see the finger of God moving through your life.
The summer has passed with many busy days and a few down days. It felt like a different kind of summer as the dynamics of the family change with the shifting of children moving into new season. My son is busy burning braincells over Physics 3 and deciphering the accent of a prof along with working 20+ hours a week. Our daughter is settling into another local university to the east of our home. Our middle son spent the summer enjoying life, rescuing deer and waiting for school to begin again. Our youngest spent time working his way through metronome therapy, going to summer camp and enjoying a slower pace as well as some camping with Dad.
Now here we are in September, and schooling has begun again. The therapy that we worked hard on for 6 weeks has paid off. A child who NEVER noticed a joke is now telling us "you are teasing me", he is more interactive, aware and his reading speed has picked up. The 20 second attention span has moved up to 9 minutes. All this has delighted me as a mom and his teacher. We continue to work on learning struggles and life lessons that need to be taught.
The summer was active with canning... chicken, salsa, peaches, salsa, g.beans, salsa, potatoes, salsa, jam and salsa. Yes, we had tomatoes and peppers in moderate abundance, but not enought to can them alone so salsa was my default for a bucket of tomatoes and peppers. we are now blessed with a few shelves of canning jars, lined up and waiting for our appetites. It has been a blessing to also have a jar or two of homemade jam to share with those we love.
This was a summer of wedding travel. Our children are getting of the age where their peers are starting to wed. We traveled to Tennessee to see a childhood friend unite with her beloved amidst a volley of approval. (the outdoor wedding field backed to a skeet shooting range that just happened to be holding a shooting contest as the nupticals were spoken- perfect for a 'country wedding"). The simple wedding was beautiful and rustic, one that reminded me of our own wedding of 26 years ago. It was a sweet time as we visited with old friends and enjoyed the passage of seasons for our friend and her new spouse.
August brought us to the wedding of our "red headed stepson"- a favorite friend of our son and one we shared life with in NC. He and his bride had a beautiful wedding in a chapel and it was fun to watch the family rejoice and enjoy a day of beauty and joy as the couple sealed their commitment with a ring.
The trip to NC was one anticipated on many fronts- visit with friends, time spent sharing life with a girlfriend and the wedding. Life was what happened when I made other plans. My girlfriend had to leave town unexpectedly, yet I was able to spend time with a friend that was unplanned but was of encouragement to both of us. I also stopped by the place of fellowship one evening and had a conversation that left both parties encouraged to press on in life and loving others.
While in NC I began to see God in the midst of my travels in some very real ways. I was driving across town to visit my old neighbors when I noticed that traffic ahead was slowing, soon flashing lights appeared on the horizon. My cell phone rang and as I answered it, I found that it was my girlfriend, at whose house I was staying. She began telling me of her son having had a car accident. As we spoke I realized their accident was ahead of me. She was with her mother in another state and her husband was also traveling out of state. God was caring for their boys amidst a life event, and I was who He was putting there. I was soon on the scene of the accident and in comunication with the boys and caring for them in her stead. We are and were amazed at God's provision in the midst of the mess of the accident to have help so close by.
I made it to my neighbors the following day, finding it to be a blessing to sit in their backyard, enjoying their company and nature. My dear friend has walked down the pink ribbon path, battling breast cancer and as of now, winning. It has shaped and changed them, and given her a desire to encourage and share life with others who will embark upon the same journey. It was a sweet time of sharing life and longing for the minutes to stretch longer as we miss the sporadic chats we once shared amidst gardening. I have reflected upon the peaceful joy I have in the company of many elderly friends, a blessing I never anticipated as a youth, but one I savor as they come into and share life with me.
Along the path home was an exit that would have led to the homes of many of my husband's cousins. My son was anxious to return home so we decided to not call and stop in for a visit, yet I mused to my Lord about the possiblitiy of Him making it possible for us to meet one of them for lunch at that exit. It was a thought, a hope but not truly thought possible,as I never called anyone, yet we did get off the exit where they lived and into Arby's parking lot we pulled. Then my son said "Don't we know that person?" sure enough God had done it, my husband's cousin was standing in the parking lot talking on a cell! I jumped out and rejoiced as his wife came out and we enjoyed a lunch together. It was a sweet time for me as we had not seen them for 3 years. Life had been happening for them and I was able to hear a bit of their story, encourage them and now pray with wisdom for them.. Again, God had intersected our life in an unexpected way.
And not to miss an opportunity to speak of how small this world is for our God I will tell you one last tale of how he can connect people in this vast world to bless those who love Him. A few weeks ago a friend asked a favor of me. I was asked to search for and buy a homeschool book for her. It was a book she needed "yesterday" and so I looked. I found it on half.com- an online posting for selling books throughout the USA. I noticed a posting from AL, as I looked closer I noticed it was our local city. I thought of how it was a shame to wait on postal service rather than connect and pickup the book. On a whim I pulled out the telephone book and looked to see if the name listed was in fact a name. It was, and it was a gal who knew my name. I had not remebered her but she is a MaryKay gal. She agreed to sell the book to us, and my girlfriend picked it up that night. It was huge- as it eased stress in her life, but moreso because it was a way that God showed that he cares about the details of our lives, amidst the mess and stress, amidst the dissappointments and struggles, He is aware. A small thing, a book, and yet a big thing... connections made that perhaps are co-incidental and yet I chose to believe that it was the loving heart of our Heavenly Father that was caring for her daughter that needed encouragement and loving upon.
And so our summer has passed with moments where we have seen the hand of God, moments of life happening when we had other plans, moments of shared struggle and growth, moments of down-time and delight. I have risked my fear, faced th e canner and now it is my friend. I have slowed down and delighted in looser structure yet now enjoy a bit more structure to guide our days.
Perhaps I am back to posting again, not sure... Blogging is like getting a letter from a friend in the mail, a delightful way to catchup, keep up, inspire and encourage as we walk this path of life. Thanks for stopping in, may the month ahead have some moments where you too see the finger of God moving through your life.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
off to kids camp we go
I am heading to camp today.... yet not. My son is heading to children's camp today for 3 days- should be alot of fun. Because of his medical condition sleep is a necessity, camp does not promote this with 10 pm bed time which equates to midnight quiet time. Not good. Our solution is - me! I will go, and provide a sleep space at 830 pm that will provide quiet and peace= a hotel room. Ahh, he does get the "good life", or spoiling as the siblings would call it. camp but a/c and hotel living!
As I approach this event it is with an bit of uncertainty, how do I as a Mom check in and monitor yet give him space to just be a camper. How will my days be filled?? will I be needed to "work" in some reguard or will they be days of ease, reading and vacationing for me??? Many unknowns, yet I will be in a new place, I will have my van and the freedom to travel to check out local spotlights if I wish, soI am sure it will all be fine.
A new adventure, a new approach- making adaptions to allow for a common childhood event - summer camp- but with a bit of creativity to meet the needs of our child's medical needs. Let the adventure begin....
As I approach this event it is with an bit of uncertainty, how do I as a Mom check in and monitor yet give him space to just be a camper. How will my days be filled?? will I be needed to "work" in some reguard or will they be days of ease, reading and vacationing for me??? Many unknowns, yet I will be in a new place, I will have my van and the freedom to travel to check out local spotlights if I wish, soI am sure it will all be fine.
A new adventure, a new approach- making adaptions to allow for a common childhood event - summer camp- but with a bit of creativity to meet the needs of our child's medical needs. Let the adventure begin....
Sunday, May 3, 2009
wet weekend
Its been rather wet in Toney this weekend. Thankfully it has all stayed outside if you dont count what we have tracked in on our feet. That is right, it seems that the roof is fixed, not sure where the leak originated or which glob of caulk sealed it but the water is no longer invading the room upstairs- YEAH!!!!
It has been a weekend of rest as the end of the week was a "life is what happens when you make other plans" kind of days. Our dear neighbor had a virus that seems to have caused dehydration that seems to have caused her to pass out that led to broken fingers that caused much pain..... hospital.... doctors office visits....childcare.... Kind of the "if you give the mouse a coookie" (a children's book) scenrio but it was rather the illness gone wrong strain of life. She is now happily braced, drugged and waiting for swelling to go down and surgery to pin her fingers into happy places. short drop makes for big boo boos! We found our life in the midst of theirs as support team. It was fun to be around 1.5, 4, and 6 yr olds. When baby chicks arrived on Friday Paul became chief chick sitter and it was fun to see the cute soft chicks peep their way into our hearts.
The garden is mostly planted. We have begun to harvest broccoli and strawberries- yum!! i need to think of things to eat spring onions with as they are doing great. The spinach is beginning to come up as are the beets so in a few weeks they will be ready to enjoy. I built three new boxes and have planted in two of them. I will be taking the cucumbers and squash verticle this year- no longer allowing them to run rampant over the ground. I am hoping to focus the cuc's energy on fruit and less on vine this year- we'll see how it goes. It looks like the peach tree and grape vines are settling into life in the side yard. I have put in enough flowers that I now need to keep away from Lowe's - my favorite place to go for deep discount, rescue me before I die plants. so cheap its hard to say no, but I will try.
We helped out a co-worker of Paul a few weeks ago. He had surgery and had not gotten to the spring cleanup of the yard. The Team Varian swept in and groomed it into manageable shape. Amidst that morning of activity came the lesson of "dont overplant" - thinking forward to what is truly manageable in terms of flower beds and plant maintance for the golden years of life. I think I am there about where I am at. I have been adding small perrenial beds around bases of foundation and fencing but I think it may be time to stop. There gets to be a point of too much and if I am not careful I may hit it. At present the ivy that swarms the front bed feels like too much, but I have been reluctant to roundup the vines- it may yet occur, just to keep ahead of the growth.
This year is a bit different here, the last two were drought kind of years, this one is not, at all. We shall begin to truly see the growth potential of the land here. My hydrengas may actually bloom and all the small ones i transplanted last year may grown up a bit. Exciting and scary at the same time. Already I am seeing where plants will be a bit crowded, but I am getting less and less leary of being a transplaner. I guess I have begun to "own" my home and gardens. The sage bushes were moved out of the herb garden - I dont like sage- and relegated to ornamental bush. I have moved in some daisies as I love that flower and would like to enjoy some cut flowers among the herbs.
So as the cool weather makes the green vibrant outside I am enjoying a leisurely Sunday. I spent the afternoon out with my daughter- a blessing to enjoy her company and she seems to reflect the same. Now a quiet evening of quiliting and looking forward to the week ahead. I am thankfull for the slower pace that wet weekends bring to us.
It has been a weekend of rest as the end of the week was a "life is what happens when you make other plans" kind of days. Our dear neighbor had a virus that seems to have caused dehydration that seems to have caused her to pass out that led to broken fingers that caused much pain..... hospital.... doctors office visits....childcare.... Kind of the "if you give the mouse a coookie" (a children's book) scenrio but it was rather the illness gone wrong strain of life. She is now happily braced, drugged and waiting for swelling to go down and surgery to pin her fingers into happy places. short drop makes for big boo boos! We found our life in the midst of theirs as support team. It was fun to be around 1.5, 4, and 6 yr olds. When baby chicks arrived on Friday Paul became chief chick sitter and it was fun to see the cute soft chicks peep their way into our hearts.
The garden is mostly planted. We have begun to harvest broccoli and strawberries- yum!! i need to think of things to eat spring onions with as they are doing great. The spinach is beginning to come up as are the beets so in a few weeks they will be ready to enjoy. I built three new boxes and have planted in two of them. I will be taking the cucumbers and squash verticle this year- no longer allowing them to run rampant over the ground. I am hoping to focus the cuc's energy on fruit and less on vine this year- we'll see how it goes. It looks like the peach tree and grape vines are settling into life in the side yard. I have put in enough flowers that I now need to keep away from Lowe's - my favorite place to go for deep discount, rescue me before I die plants. so cheap its hard to say no, but I will try.
We helped out a co-worker of Paul a few weeks ago. He had surgery and had not gotten to the spring cleanup of the yard. The Team Varian swept in and groomed it into manageable shape. Amidst that morning of activity came the lesson of "dont overplant" - thinking forward to what is truly manageable in terms of flower beds and plant maintance for the golden years of life. I think I am there about where I am at. I have been adding small perrenial beds around bases of foundation and fencing but I think it may be time to stop. There gets to be a point of too much and if I am not careful I may hit it. At present the ivy that swarms the front bed feels like too much, but I have been reluctant to roundup the vines- it may yet occur, just to keep ahead of the growth.
This year is a bit different here, the last two were drought kind of years, this one is not, at all. We shall begin to truly see the growth potential of the land here. My hydrengas may actually bloom and all the small ones i transplanted last year may grown up a bit. Exciting and scary at the same time. Already I am seeing where plants will be a bit crowded, but I am getting less and less leary of being a transplaner. I guess I have begun to "own" my home and gardens. The sage bushes were moved out of the herb garden - I dont like sage- and relegated to ornamental bush. I have moved in some daisies as I love that flower and would like to enjoy some cut flowers among the herbs.
So as the cool weather makes the green vibrant outside I am enjoying a leisurely Sunday. I spent the afternoon out with my daughter- a blessing to enjoy her company and she seems to reflect the same. Now a quiet evening of quiliting and looking forward to the week ahead. I am thankfull for the slower pace that wet weekends bring to us.
Friday, March 20, 2009
brain storms
This morning we awoke early in preparation for the days events. First up on the schedule was Dad vs #4 on the wii, then on to the computer for some Battlefront action followed by b'fast out at Hardees with mom. So began our day of early waking to sleep deprive our child so he was ready for an EEG.
What was last week a "lets see what is going on" scheduling of an EEG (monitoring of brain wave activity) this week became a timely event. Earlier in the week our early morning sleep in time was interrupted by pounding feet and a knock at the door- #4 was in the midst of a brain storm. A seizure. A short one but one that interrupted his life and ours for a few minutes of time. It was a quick one, unexpected as they all are, but powerful.
This morning as I sat in the darkened room and watched the lines jump and bounce I wondered at what I was seeing. Over the past year we have changed medications slowly, adapting to a new drug that seemed to bring control. Only to find during a fall campout while sharing tent space that our sleep was interuppted by the sounds of a new brain storm. Now spring break has again brought our attention to the ever present, not often thought about guest to our lives- epilepsy.
Todays' revelation coupled with the midweeek "brain party" as I had dubbed it resulted in knowledge that status quo was not enough. So I returned home to add more pills to the pill boxes and again begin on the journey of increase in hopes of stilling the storms and calling an end to the pauses that are more than a pause.
I am grateful for the time spent in sheltered workshops and group homes as a young adult, where seizures were seen and adjusted to. Those days prepared me to respond not react to what I might find when I enter a room where a storm is occuring. I am grateful to the calm that is peace in the midst of reality that all electrical circuits are not firing normally. I expect that all will settle and rest, though in the back of my mind I know it could take a while, I pray that it is quick.
I find that as I dialogue about what our life holds that it is a reality that I don't process in its fullness, but face it bit by bit, event by event. As I shared the timeline and history recently I realized that we have walked a path of much variety and variation. That the silent presence of epilepsy is truly present, no longer just something in the back closet. It influences and affects us and yet we work hard to limit the impact and to live life fully in the midst of its presence.
Months ago epilepsy was a back closet topic; acknowledged but kind of ignored and in the realm of denial. Today I am more welcoming of it, more accepting of it, sharing it more freely. I have talked with our son of the whys and how are you doings? that surround living with seizures.
I am sure he is weary of the unexpected, tiring, and extra parts of his life that come with being a keeper of the storms. It is part of our family life for now so we prepare, train and respond as needed. We pray for and thank God for our doc's and all in the health care profession who help us on this journey. We are made more aware of its hazards when it makes the headlines with hollywood attention, and we breathe easy and kind of forget when weeks pass without any hint of activity.
Brainstorms, brain storms- same letters, different activities. May your life be full of brainstorms and my your heart and head be full of compassion and grace to those who experience brain storms.
What was last week a "lets see what is going on" scheduling of an EEG (monitoring of brain wave activity) this week became a timely event. Earlier in the week our early morning sleep in time was interrupted by pounding feet and a knock at the door- #4 was in the midst of a brain storm. A seizure. A short one but one that interrupted his life and ours for a few minutes of time. It was a quick one, unexpected as they all are, but powerful.
This morning as I sat in the darkened room and watched the lines jump and bounce I wondered at what I was seeing. Over the past year we have changed medications slowly, adapting to a new drug that seemed to bring control. Only to find during a fall campout while sharing tent space that our sleep was interuppted by the sounds of a new brain storm. Now spring break has again brought our attention to the ever present, not often thought about guest to our lives- epilepsy.
Todays' revelation coupled with the midweeek "brain party" as I had dubbed it resulted in knowledge that status quo was not enough. So I returned home to add more pills to the pill boxes and again begin on the journey of increase in hopes of stilling the storms and calling an end to the pauses that are more than a pause.
I am grateful for the time spent in sheltered workshops and group homes as a young adult, where seizures were seen and adjusted to. Those days prepared me to respond not react to what I might find when I enter a room where a storm is occuring. I am grateful to the calm that is peace in the midst of reality that all electrical circuits are not firing normally. I expect that all will settle and rest, though in the back of my mind I know it could take a while, I pray that it is quick.
I find that as I dialogue about what our life holds that it is a reality that I don't process in its fullness, but face it bit by bit, event by event. As I shared the timeline and history recently I realized that we have walked a path of much variety and variation. That the silent presence of epilepsy is truly present, no longer just something in the back closet. It influences and affects us and yet we work hard to limit the impact and to live life fully in the midst of its presence.
Months ago epilepsy was a back closet topic; acknowledged but kind of ignored and in the realm of denial. Today I am more welcoming of it, more accepting of it, sharing it more freely. I have talked with our son of the whys and how are you doings? that surround living with seizures.
I am sure he is weary of the unexpected, tiring, and extra parts of his life that come with being a keeper of the storms. It is part of our family life for now so we prepare, train and respond as needed. We pray for and thank God for our doc's and all in the health care profession who help us on this journey. We are made more aware of its hazards when it makes the headlines with hollywood attention, and we breathe easy and kind of forget when weeks pass without any hint of activity.
Brainstorms, brain storms- same letters, different activities. May your life be full of brainstorms and my your heart and head be full of compassion and grace to those who experience brain storms.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Deaf to gifts of love
This weekend I am off to the annual ladies retreat for our homeschool ladies. A great group of women who care for the hearts of the women beyond getting grades in and blocks checked! Last year's retreat settled some questions in my heart and stretched me in new paths of faith. I am not sure what this one will bring forth, but part of me is a bit excited. I am sharing this one with my daughter and hoping she will find some kindred spirits among the many young ladies attending.
As I have been preparing for my little part of the weekend I have been reading The five Love Language of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell,MD. I am speaking on love languages and thought it would be a quick scan and picking of information. Ahh, is it ever so simple?
As I read over the chapter of the language of gifts this quote struck my heart.
"A true gift is ... an expression of love for the individual and is freely given by the donor. "
I thought about the many gifts given to me, the acts of service, the touches, the time spent with quality so I can fill up my need of for time deposits in my love tank and the many letters that fill my desire for affirmation and encouragement. I thought about my heart attitude in receiving the many gifts bestowed upon me and how I have received them.
When an expression of love matched my expectation it is joyfully received and cherished. Unfortunately when it was not a good match with my expectation I have not been gracious in my heart. The attitude was not gratitude. My bad.
I have been pricked this week to realize how much love has been poured into my life, but in a foreign language, one that I have not interpreted well. Sometimes I have figured out the message and in time have come to cherish the expression, unfortunately oftentimes it has come after the attitude of ingratitude has soured the gift and wounded the messenger. my bad. my sad.
This week I repented before my husband for my cluelessness in my heart of the hurts I was returning for the gifts given. My vision was all self centered- "what is in it for me" not what is he trying to tell me as he gave to me freely? When I scorned the hardware when I heard of the flowers- yet years later I turn to the "box of flowers" hardware box again and again in joy for the thoughtfulness and forsight of my husband for my needs. When I have belittled in my heart the gift of growing things that were given as I love plants, not thinking of how it was given freely and in love for my delight.
Oh how deceptive this heart has been in thinking of love as all about me. its not. Love in about sharing and caring and living beyond oneself. "Love is not selfseeking" (1Cor 13) When others give a hug it may be because they long to share their love with another. They may not realized that it is a foreign language to the reciepient. The home improvement that takes over the house might not be only an improvement but may also be an outpouring of lavish love by a spouse who speaks love with acts of service. Running an errand on the day its asked for is another way to speak "acts of servcie love". The card given when words dont come easy may be love shown in words of affirmation from another when he knows they are important to the receipient. When a child asks for a game or a book read, they may be asking for your time, your "quality time" to feed the need for that love language spoken in their life. And when a gift is given to you, no matter the size or value, taking time to value the heart of love that caused the giver to choose to bestow it is truly giving value to the gift- an act of love.
Oh that I would always have my universal love translator on. That I will always understand the love that is bestowed upon me and respond with gratitude and honor to those who pour out their life into mine. Maybe your translator needs a tune up as mine did. Check out a 5Love Language book at the library and retune your head and heart for the langugaes that bombard your life today!
I am now seeing the give and take of speaking love. Speak it from your heart, when able speak in the language of others, as you know the dialect. Listen close for the language of love in the words and actions of another and if confused consult the universal translator and consider the dialect spoken to clear up any communication confusion. When this is done the expressions of love abound.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
passing the torch
Today as I was telling of our banner picture, thinking of the season of joy its creation was filled with I realized it was also a season of learning. We had struggled with process management of the waste system within the house and found a reasonable solution. It prepared us for a conversation that came about a few months later. I was able to quickly offer a viable solution.
Greater still was the joy in being able to send an emmissary of help to another state to help the other family with waste management struggles to install a solution device. We passed the torch of learning and solution. It would have been easy enough to not engage in conversation and dialogue aobut the learning curve we have journeyed upon. Rather we had and from that conversation help and heath transpired.
Kind of like life, we all have journeys of learning- some easily shared, some within our heart and soul, less openly revealed. There are times that we quickly reveal the experiences, other times with reluctance. I have found that rarely is an experience that leaves a lasting memory one that does not have value to be shared with others. At times it needs to be covered with prayer and sensitivity, other times laughter or hands one application is the venue of passign the torch. It is in the sharing that I find the pain of the initial experience is validated and expanded to worth.
Funny how often God has used the humble things to reveal wisdom. Once it was clogged pipes to speak to my heart about my stubborn pride. Septic gas to reflect my aroma. Sometimes it is watching nature or the way of children. Other times it is the experience of another to remind me of how my past reflects that which I would be quick to criticize, forgetting my own nature.
I am thankful for lessons that stay and can be passed on to others.
Greater still was the joy in being able to send an emmissary of help to another state to help the other family with waste management struggles to install a solution device. We passed the torch of learning and solution. It would have been easy enough to not engage in conversation and dialogue aobut the learning curve we have journeyed upon. Rather we had and from that conversation help and heath transpired.
Kind of like life, we all have journeys of learning- some easily shared, some within our heart and soul, less openly revealed. There are times that we quickly reveal the experiences, other times with reluctance. I have found that rarely is an experience that leaves a lasting memory one that does not have value to be shared with others. At times it needs to be covered with prayer and sensitivity, other times laughter or hands one application is the venue of passign the torch. It is in the sharing that I find the pain of the initial experience is validated and expanded to worth.
Funny how often God has used the humble things to reveal wisdom. Once it was clogged pipes to speak to my heart about my stubborn pride. Septic gas to reflect my aroma. Sometimes it is watching nature or the way of children. Other times it is the experience of another to remind me of how my past reflects that which I would be quick to criticize, forgetting my own nature.
I am thankful for lessons that stay and can be passed on to others.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Following a command
Today we put into practice a command of Jesus- love one another. It felt good.
In December we read in the paper about the tent village under the highway. folks had gone to visit to give away personal care items and clothing, many were enjoyed but many not taken as the folks wanted to leave the items for others in greater need. It was a quick view into the life of those less fortunate, those living on the margins of society. A few words of the whole article struck me. Firewood is a great need and hard to get.
Those words planted a seed. My husband LOVES to cut wood. Recently he asked about the freedom to cut wood in a nearby lot where trees have been downed and have remained. He was granted it and so he has joyfully started a new Saturday morning activity with the boys (whose joy does not quite match his), they cut wood, load the truck and unload. The past two weeks we have stocked our woodpile as we have begun to enjoy a fire in the fireplace.
Today the recipient was to be the homeless. We werent sure where they lived but we called the mission and prayed. The family worked together to cut and load the truck and off we went. A few wrong turns and we arrived at the tent village. Only a few folks were home amidst a dozen or more tent sites. Most had more than one tent in their area, all had a bit of wood alongside their burnbarrel.
Larry and Tracy were the couple we met. They helped to unload the wood, thankful for the bounty of it. The wood we saw when we arrived still had some leaves attached. She spoke of it bubbling when put in the barrel. Larry added a few sticks to the ashes they had going and was amazed at the heat it threw off and the rapidity of it catching. It is suppose to be cold tonight. They will be less cold.
They shared how they once had a service business- lawns, gutters, painting, then hard times fell and they are now there. Folks like us, living life, making do. We shared life for a few minutes, maybe the beginning of a relationship? maybe not? just following a command, turning a thought into action, logs into love, meeting a need, making homeless folks no longer faceless or nameless.
A good day, fresh air, perspective and a sense of an accomplished goal met. Larry and Tracy will have a bit more heat to keep them warm as the cool weather moves in. love in action- give it a try.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Ebeneezer Stones
"Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying , "Thus far has the Lord helped us."1 Sam 7:12
(Ebenezer means stone of help)
Have you ever had something really cool happen that you want to remember because it was a significant event?? We have had several times where God has done somethingin our lives that we knew beyond any doubt was His hand. We have enjoyed relationships that He has provided. Each occurance of His movement in our life has been worth a stone!
For years a friend of mine would speak about Ebenezers- stones of remembrance. She spoke of labeling stones to help us remember what God has done in the midst of our life's journey. It was spoken of yet we did not act. Then one day I was in the garden section of a store and there was a bag of polished stones. So we began our pile of Ebenezer stones.
First we tried writing with permanent marker, yet over time the print rubbed off. On to paint markers- they worked well and stayed even after handling. We began with a reviewing of what God had done in our lives, things that stood out in our memory. Each season has its own color in my bowl of stones, and each season has its own sweet memories. Lets look at a few....
Sunday Bagels- we lived in the city and every week we'd walk around the corner and get fresh bagels and enjoy them as a family hot and delightful- bonding us in the midst of a season of tight living. reliving memories from my childhood and giving my kids sweet memories in the midst of change.
Mom F Mozambique/ Atlanta - God took my mom across the world and back on a missions trip, in the midst of it, preparing her for a week delay in Atlanta and using this dear, sweet white haired woman to minister to a lady who was in jail there. A post 911 homeland security glitch that followed past abortion clinic protests that brought her life to intersect with another. He protected her belongings and was her peace in the midst of the delay.
new roof- read my past blogs for more details- God was seen in the wisdom of siders, the honor of roofers and the delightful provision of a new roof as correction was made to past errors- when many roofing companies do not call back when called.
Rusty- the car- when we moved to NY in 2000 we were in an accident in the midst of the move. My sister had a car that she was willing to sell us for $1000 and it ran the entire year we were in need of it and then we were able to recoup our cost. Rusty- the faithful car that was a God provision in the midst of our need.
Dedons- while in NY we were house hunting. The Dedons were the couple who were our agents. The couple who spent hours and hours with us looking. Who twice told us "sellers never do this" and graciously walked with us as we took those words as closed doors and walked away from potential houses. When we were FSBO gave us wisdom and support in the midst of selling the house they helped us to buy. God's provision for honorable realtors in the midst of an uncertain time and occupation.
First Church- our present home for worship. While in NC I heard from Paul that Scott, our pastor from Tenn, was there. God whispered in my ear "got you covered honey". And so we did not hunt for a church but settled here. Not always perfect, none are, but where God has placed us and planted us.
job at GE- when Paul was retiring from the Army he started to look for a job. A friend I knew from Germany PWOC was living near where we once did, no longer in the Army. I spoke to Leslie about post Army life. She talked with her husband. He asked for Paul's resume- and so the story of Paul's job at GE began. When we left the area in the 80's we never expected to ever be able to work for GE- yet in the 2001 season of life he worked there and grew in understanding of many things that have shaped into the man he is today.
the Rogers- while in NY we were blessed with many relationships. The Rogers are among the dearest- a young couple who shared life and faith with us. God's provision for friendship and family in the midst of body life.
polyp- ahhh the foolishness of the land of denial. I lived there from 1992-1993 and then it was time to leave. A few days after my son was born I was suddenly rushed out of denial as I reentered the hospital via the ER with a need for surgery and the fear of cancer looming. God in his graciousness had answered my prayer to face whatever was going on inside of me. He provided a christian surgeon to pray with us, a young couple with 3 kids, one who was still in the nursery at the hospital. He provided care for the family, a renewed sense of the love of a body after pain from past wounds. He allowed the polyp to not be cancerous though the surgeon deemed it the largest he'd ever seen. God spared my life, and I am so grateful for His love and provision in the midst of my own stupidity.
I can go on and on, but I will spare you all my stones... two more, hmm where shall my hand fall...
Herdas- neighbors and friends. We delight in relationships with folks of all ages. These folks are special as they have wisdom of time that we dont have. They are a double blessing as they bless our son as well- they employ him as a helper. I enjoy our visits and the sharing of life that they give to us. I delight that my children get to interact with "grand"people who have lived much life- as their grandparents are not closeby.
Feltwell RX NY- when we lived in NY - Ft Drumm we had neighbors who were in the medical field. For me that was a blessing as I cut my finger deeply one night- we were new and I did not know what to do, Paul was away, young kids in the house. He came and checked it out and gave me guidance. Stitches were in order. They cared for the kids until Paul got home. Later during our stay my sister, home from china, hurt her leg. Her insurance was good everywhere, but USA. He cared for her so she was on the way to mending as she returned to China. God's provision.
And so the stories are for each stones, just a few words to triggere a memory, a provision, a blessing ,a relationship. When life is overwhelming and faith is looking hopeless I can walk back in time over the stones of our days and remember how God provided people, stuff, life and be reminded that He is still God and He hasnt left me and forgotten about me, rather I am reminded to call out to Him.
So, if you have sweet memories and provisons that you'd love to share and remember pick up a bag of flat stones in the craft shop, get a paint marker and get busy... what joy it is to remember and to share our faith with others when they ask about your bowl of stones.
Thanks KP for the great idea.... my life is richer for it, as is my faith enriched by it.
one last memory-
Salad, sewage and sin- a difficult lesson for me in TN- amidst a small "rebellion" I was found out and God revealed bigger rebellion of my heart. I had been instructed to not use the garbage disposal often. I oopsed bigtime and stuffed some salad down. It was CLOGGED- as in cut pipes in the basement clogged!!!! As we smelled the stench of sewage gas and I cleaned out the pipe God revealed to me the state of my heart- stinky and clogged. OuCH! my sin - I had been running from it, again in "denial" and He intersected with my life to humble me and clean me out just as the pipes were cleaned out that day. The start of a major cleaning that has been the base for glorious new beginnings.
God is my every present help... of all my needs.... desires.... and life!
what are your Ebenezers? How has God shown Himself in your life? Enjoy the memories and know that they will grow in number over time.
Bill and Sharon
God sells house
Keith vists
brokeness
memories with Big Grandma
Krista h plant sitter
Mitre job
chord wood gone
Perez
Shallbetter
Gloria
Sam's seizures
swimming pool
ICU
Ed S- NY helper
Toyota Camry
phone #xxx-2417
NY-NC
What a helping God he is!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Mothering
Mothering
The real truth about mothering is that it is the hardest job you will ever do,
and that you are probably less prepared for it than you were for your learner’s permit….
mothering is also the most costly investment you will ever make,
for it involves giving yourself lavishly for others,
filling in the deep wells of self-centeredness in your life with acts of kindness, care, maintenance, and love."
You will arrive, as every other mother before you,
at the end of your own adequacy.
When you find yourself needing your Heavenly Father every moment,
even as you are needed by your children,
you will be exactly where God wants you.”
Virelle Kidder
This is one of my all time favorite quotes. I shared it tonight with a new friend amidst conversation about dependency. I thought back to what has influenced my pespective and this wonderful quote of wisdom is what came to mind. I realized that I have not posted it here, and thought that I should as it has been a shaping factor in how I look at mothering, and how I have endured the challenges that have come my way amidst the journey.
each day brings new joys and challenges. Never do I know what the day will hold. Mostly it is joy- like the days I hear my 16yr old son who stands taller than I say "Mommy" and whine in hopes of getting his own way, knowing he won't. what a delight compared to the battles of the will / or will he nots that have occurred. Far too infrequently do i remember to go to the lighter tone and funny way of looking at his teenage demensia rather than my typical parental myopia. When my brain actually opperates well and I laughingly respond we are able to negotate the hormonal powerstruggle highway with more grace and come out with grins, or at least some churckles.
Todays delight was in watching my youngest instruct and share a game with the neighbor girls on the trampoline. They delighted in his participation and the power of his bounce to "break the egg". To see them all share life and joy together, what a delight. He has not been around many younger, so it is a opportunity for growth and grace as he often finds it awkward, yet today he did it well.
It was a delight to see my eldest helping a friend with an electrical need. I arrived home to an extra vehicle in the drive and they were working on a faulty something in a guitar. what a blessing to see your children living beyond themselves and giving away their skills to help another. My daughter is off volunteering tonight for a dinner for ??? but it involves dressing up and hopefully connecting with some likeminded gals and reaquainting with some she has not seen in a while. I delight in the thought of what that will do for her relational bank account that has run low in deposits.
Mothering, a joy and delight, a giving of self and a laying down before the Lord, entrusting them and the path ahead into His tender care. Not easy, often times seemingly impossible yet once done His peace walks beside and cares for and reassures you of the truth that He cares far more and loves far more than we ever could.
Blesssings to you mothers who are on the journey this day.
each day brings new joys and challenges. Never do I know what the day will hold. Mostly it is joy- like the days I hear my 16yr old son who stands taller than I say "Mommy" and whine in hopes of getting his own way, knowing he won't. what a delight compared to the battles of the will / or will he nots that have occurred. Far too infrequently do i remember to go to the lighter tone and funny way of looking at his teenage demensia rather than my typical parental myopia. When my brain actually opperates well and I laughingly respond we are able to negotate the hormonal powerstruggle highway with more grace and come out with grins, or at least some churckles.
Todays delight was in watching my youngest instruct and share a game with the neighbor girls on the trampoline. They delighted in his participation and the power of his bounce to "break the egg". To see them all share life and joy together, what a delight. He has not been around many younger, so it is a opportunity for growth and grace as he often finds it awkward, yet today he did it well.
It was a delight to see my eldest helping a friend with an electrical need. I arrived home to an extra vehicle in the drive and they were working on a faulty something in a guitar. what a blessing to see your children living beyond themselves and giving away their skills to help another. My daughter is off volunteering tonight for a dinner for ??? but it involves dressing up and hopefully connecting with some likeminded gals and reaquainting with some she has not seen in a while. I delight in the thought of what that will do for her relational bank account that has run low in deposits.
Mothering, a joy and delight, a giving of self and a laying down before the Lord, entrusting them and the path ahead into His tender care. Not easy, often times seemingly impossible yet once done His peace walks beside and cares for and reassures you of the truth that He cares far more and loves far more than we ever could.
Blesssings to you mothers who are on the journey this day.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
The only constant is change
New years bring many thoughts of resolutions and changes in behavior. Sometimes we do well, sometimes we quickly fall into old habits that are so imbedded that they seem to be part of our nature. So also our routines and habits can be hard to break or shift. We get comfortable in our routine and the way we spend our time. We think we want to change, yet the cost of the shirt seems greater than the desire.
This month has seen a good deal of change in our household. One son off to school for the first time- from a class of 2 to over 2,000. Another it is a shift in classes and work week and now a three day weekend- yipee except it is consumed with studying. Our daughter has quickly found herself in the midst of adult life with a full time job- complete with questionable heating conditions and car having funny noises. today is my turn for a bit of change. I have been enjoying the extra free time that comes with only one student and no co-op. That ends today as co-op begins again.
And though I am teaching the same class topic one of the classes has rotated off and I will receive a new group of students. Change. It will be fun to share drawing basics with them, to help them to see the world in a few basic line categories and get them thinking that if they look carefully they will be able to draw what they see. It will be fun to reconnect with the class I had last semester, to hear of their holiday break and see what they drew over the break. It will be nice to greet and share life with the mom's who are back and the new moms.
Our life has had a few others shifts. We are now attending a leadership training class on Wednesday nights. It means eating a bit earlier, or leaving a bit earlier to join in the community meal that is available at church. It means an hour of downtiime for the kids as the parents learn. It means we have homework and live a bit more deliberately in our days to allow for the added class.
The most joyous change for us is that we are to begin a small group this week. We have long hoped for an anticipated the start of small groups in our church. We came expectant and waited patiently and not so patiently for small groups to begin. This week we meet the other "groupies" and start to share lives and study time togeteher. We hope that it will be as most other small groups we have been in have been- enriching and encouraging. We have friends from past groups still... they help fill the gap that living away from family makes. It makes walking on this foreign soil not so foreign.
So, on this gray and blue January day, a day like many January day I await the change that is before me with expectatiion and understanding... change is here, will come and go and be a constant in my life. As my friend Wendy once told me... run toward the goal you'll get there faster.... I am joyously moving toward the change today to see what the new normal will become!
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