God's forsight was seen today

For months I knew this day was to come. At the start I longed to deny its need, but alas the day came when the brick foundation wall had to come down to make room for repairs of rotted wood. Months have passed since then with the wall repaired and the bricks from the destruction cleaned of mortar.

Today was a true work day at our house. The boys worked on moving wood to new location for future pole barn building. My husband worked on closing in a side of the screen porch as it will soon become a 3 season room. My task was to begin to rebuild the brick wall that circles the house. In many homes it covers the cinderblocks. In ours it covers some of the foundation and then rises a bit more over the wood before the siding takes over to cover the exterior walls of the house.

As we mixed the mortar and I prepared for the job ahead I reflected upon how over 28 years ago the God of the universe looked forward in time and knew that I would need this skill. As I quickly set to work, with ease of knowing what the task ahead needed for tools, procedure and completion I marveled at how easy it was to lay a course of brick because it was a familiar skill, even after all these years.

Between my junior and senior year I spent the summer on a mission trip in Rioacha Colombia helping to construct a two room schoolhouse. At that time it was a huge step of faith as I was the girl in the family that longed for the inside jobs and cried as I worked hauling leaves and hating every moment of it. I recall standing by the cement mixing station, having finished mixing mortar and marveling that I was there and was there with joy- knowing it was a working of God in my life. That summer I laid brick, hauled sand and did any work asked, without tears or pity parties that I had at home. God had changed my heart.

Fast forward 28 years and I am again playing in the "mud"- laying bricks and finding joy in it. I thought of how gracious God was to prepare me for today all those years ago. How only He would know the skill needed today and the confidence that I would have to procede. How it would bless my husband to see me exhibit the skill and knowledge of the task, relieving him of it. I heard the pride in his voice as he spoke to a neighbor of the task. I thought of how I was living out Proverbs 31:17
"She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks."

What a blessing that God would allow my arms to be strong for the task- recently I have had struggles with pulled muscles and pain in the tendons yet today I was able to lay 3 course of brick without struggle.

Often I think of how I expect to see God in the big things of life, not in the mud. Today I saw Him in the mud, in the joy of the moment prepared for in years passed. I thanked him for the training sessions in Colombia so I was ready in Toney. It made what could have been stressful and uncertain or costly (hiring a mason) a morning of joyful productiveness! Thank you Lord for strong arms. Thank you now for rest!

Life unexpected

This past month has been full of the unexpected- some good, some not so good, but all of it life in full color.

Saturday I noticed the plant upstairs needed watering, but decided to wait. Sunday morning I took it my unconsumed water- a blessing to the plant and possibly the lifespan of our house. What I met in the hall was a strange "electronic" smell that I was unable to find the source of. My husband soon investigated and we eventually found a battery charger, plugged in and in the midst of a meltdown- due to "regular" batteries. Had we gone to church without the trip upstairs I don't know what we would have come home to. I am thankful for the trip upstairs and a nose that works.

We made an unexpected trip to the North east-" home"-we had relatives who were ill and we realized it had been too long since we traveled there. The drive went well, the beauty of the eastern passageway one I had forgotten. Even Penn. roads were not as bumpy as I expected. I anticipated much discussion of politics and weather- the norm. Rather we saw and heard the bitterness of the lives lived as consequences for past choices came home. How sad and grievious it was to watch those you love walk through suffering that stemmed from a life without the Lord. How hard it was for me, how much harder it must be for God who longs to care for them yet they continue to walk in independence. I went with one expectation, I came away with new reality, a much sadder one, and no rose colored glasses to shield my heart from its reality.

My mom lives in a "cabin in the woods". I have always loved to go there, and each time I visit I enjoy it more. This past visit it was like a cool brook to my thirsty soul. I longed for peace and tranquilty, for rest after so much busy going. It delivered it again with cool green places, with the joy of a grandmother enjoying her grandson by sharing a game. Productive work that replaced occupation alone. We traveled and did a "tourist tour" which I was uncertain of but found it very enjoyable. We were able to picnic for lunch until the rain chased us to the cars. It was nice to share time and life with many family members and have some "girl time".

As June passed I found that I was slowly resting up from the busy season passed. As July comes it has an openness that is nice. I am finding time to make visits that have been put off. We start the day with a few hours of chores and tasks then have a slower pace. Our list of "to do's " has shrunk as soon a crew of men will decend and repair the outside of the house and rend it greatly "maintance free" so the fear of more wood rot will no longer be in the back of our mind. At this point we are in prep mode for the change- not a project we expected 2 years ago when we moved here but one we decided was wise to embark upon at this time to save future battles with house issues.

The garden is blossoming, the beans and squash are abundant. The tomatoes slow to ripen but soon will be overwhelming me with work. I have revisited a blackberry patch from last year, this years rains have brought plump berries so I was able to make jam for the first time with blackberries. I find that again I relive my childhood as July comes and I go out early to pick berries. Each morning it is fun to explore what is ready to pick for fresh enjoyment.

I never expected the life I live. I don't know if I had a vision of what my life would be, but it is in so many ways richer than I ever imagined. I am able to spend time with those I love, enjoy digging in the dirt- ha! what a change for the girl who once cried because she had to do outside work, now I often outwork my boys outside. It is a quieter summer with my daughter away, but even in that is good as I look down the road toward the days when she will be a phone call and letter away rather than a seat away at the table.

Learning to Let Go

Today I began my babysteps towards the season of "the empty nest". My little girl (17) went off to camp for her first job away from home. She will be a junior counselor at a girls camp 2.5hrs away for about 7 weeks this summer. Big step for both of us.

I always think of her as confident and capable yet as we arrived she was happy for my company as she found the beginning of the checking process and then worked her way through the lines. I hung around until she passed the health check in and was heading off to lunch. She was gracious to endure a few more hugs than she would have desired before I went off down the mountain.

The camp is beautiful and well established. From the dorm ceilings hang boards of past sessions with names of past campers. New and old buildings are nestled into the well treed grounds. A rope swing and porch swings call to you to stop and visit or take a break. The possibilities of activities await her and all who will arrive this summer.

And so I let go and let God care for my treasure, my daughter, allowing her to spread her wings a bit, to grow and be stretched. To share company with older girls, hoping that she will find ones to connect with, treasure memories with and enjoy creating a memorable summer for many little ones.

I have heard of her zeal for action and adventure- my unicycling wonder, my white water rafter and tree climber. So her summer of trying new things has begun. Her room will be quiet and I will write letters to encourage. It is the beginning of letting go and moving forward for me, as a mother and a woman. Of looking down the road at the transition that awaits as each of the children seek the path that lies before them for their own adventure.

For some it is a few years away, for others many, but for each it will come. One day it will be time to pass on the marythemom@hotmail.com to another mom, to allow another to carry that title. It is time to look down the road and begin to consider life after marythemom, when I am just Mary- the creative, the gardener, the book reader, the builder, the????? When my day is not filled with caring for younger ones and listening to the heart of the child. I know they will still share but it will be from afar, not from under the roof always.

So, today as I drove away leaving her in a foreign place it was not with fear but renewed faith that my God, her God, our God is caring for her so much more than I can and do. What a grand adventure, to pass the baton and watch her begin to run her own race down the path God has for her.

So, E-beth as you read this know I am standing here cheering you on. You go girl, enjoy the adventure and share that which lies within you with those around you. May God continue to be your wisdom, strength and joy through this summer!

Time in the garden

I have been spending time playing in the dirt today. I awoke to the sound of soft rain and thought of how this would be a good day to move monkey grass. It surrounded our mailbox post in a thick clumped circle. With a shovel and knife I was able to pry it up and out. I then loosened dirt around the area and slowly divided the massive root system and transplanted many small shoots to fill in a corner spot around the mailbox post. It will slowly fill in and I will get to repeat the same adventure in several years.

To spend time sinking my hands in dirt is a way for me to rest and slow my pace of life. Today I spent about two hours planting, weeding and transplanting. Last night at Lowe's I found a bleeding heart plant- a plant from my childhood, to add to my garden. It is a shade lover and I remember looking at neighbors plants with great joy. Now I can visit my garden and cherish the flowers as they come. It is telling that I am now thinking of my childhood as I seek out plants to bring color and interest to the garden.

Last weekend I spent time in a beautiful garden of a new friend. She was gracious to give me a tour and send me home with iris bulbs- her castoffs, my joy and delight. When we arrived here we had a lanscaped perrenial bed in the front and a halfwall brick planter. Since that time I have divided the hostas, lambs ear and other perrenials and began to fill in the empty spaces that lined the fences and walls. It is amazing to me to see things thrive with a bit of compost and manure. Now I am slowly diversifying the beds with a few annuals for color and moving things about to bring interest in texture and heights.

Our neighbor has a beautiful clemantis climbing a trellis in her yard. Last night I found one on the markdown rack so soon there will be beauty climbing up the lamppost in the front yard.

This month I have begun to use herbs and natural remedies. A friend gave me a plaintain tincture to help with our sons acne struggle. slowly but surely we are seeing an improvement. To us this is an amazing wonder as he has had antibiotics that did not seem to help. Now a simple plantain / cider vinegar tincture is slowly but surely drawing out all the impurities and bringing healing to his breakouts. I rejoice to see God's provision to cure.

Our daughter and other son both had bites of various sorts this week. We applied bruised plaintain and comfrey and soon found the rash and swelling diminished. As our daughter heads out to camp she'll be carrying plaintain tincture and a bug repellent from nature's provision.

Our raised bed garden is slowly growing. The cool weather crop continues to squeeze against the cage- today I thought of the cabbages as captive cabbages as they are protected under a chicken wire cover. The seeds planted are shooting up and we are beginning the battle against aphids and other attackers of vegetation. It is restful to daily visit and pick a few peas or nibble on some fresh broccoli. We look forward to the melons, cucumbers and tomato that are in process.

I spent time last month building up the compost bin. We took the truck to a subdivision to collect bagged leaves and grass. Filling the back of the truck we soon had full bins. As the weeks have passed the level of organic matter has shrunk. When I checked the piles I found the heat within toasty. Earlier this week I spent time turning and soaking the pile. Slowly but surely all the grass, leaves and vegatable scraps will turn into rich dirt (compost)and will enrich the garden and flower beds. What fun it is to recycle the weeds and grass into dirt- feeding earthworms along the way!

So, another day in the garden is done, my hands are a bit grubby as I just never remember to don gloves. As I leave it is with joy for the time spent in quietness and time talking with the Lord as I enjoy His creation.

Transitions ahead

It feels like we've been living alot of life here of recent. We've had birthdays to celebrate, doctor visits, therapy appointments, end of co-op and soon end of school- yipeee!!! We've had kids stressed over education, enviroment and change- life is happening here. Some days we finish the day and are so very done! It is good to see endings as well as beginnings.

My eldest survived his second semester in college, coming away with a variety of grades, the best news was that he passed the Chemistry course- a real tough one where there is automatically a steep curve before classes begin! What a collective sigh of relief there was when he found the posted grade not only passing but also transferrable- yeah! Now its a summer of working and wrestling over Calculus for him.

My daughter is counting down the final days of school and considering the upcoming year with uncertainty of what educational path she'll be traveling upon. She gets to spend the first half of summer at Camp Skyline as a junior counselor. She is looking forward to time with girls and horses as well as hopes to uni in the woods. She has taken to her unicycle and its a daily occurance to see her pedaling down the street. She is wanting to soon launch into life with dreams of travel and adventure, so there is no telling where she'll be heading next year.

The boys are finishing up their lessonwork and right now summer looks open- a nice thing as we look to slow down a bit. I think we'll still do a bit of reading and writing as both can use some continuation in that , but not much as this mom wants some down time. They are finding new guys to spend time- with hopes of future visits and romps in the woods.

I was pleased yesterday to find after an evaluation that my youngest had made some gains in some skill areas with the Occupational Therapist. She did an eval and said that there were 2.5 year gains in some areas- not bad for 6 mos work! Slowly but surely we'll address his areas in need of remediation. Sam speed is the speed we work at, which is hard for this hyper mom, but I continue to learn to slow down to catch up with him.

Its been an interesting year- slow at times, busy at others, some months easy relationally, others challenging. Recently stress seems to have sat at my feet. Taking each day at a time has helped me to keep perspective. Remembering that my God is big enough and will walk beside me in all things has brought me comfort.

So we are in the midst of preparation for transitions. One off to camp, another starting full time work for a season. Summer will soon be upon us, visitors coming and a camping trip or two to embark upon. We'll be looking forward to the upcoming school year with the many decisions that will need to be made for each child's education. Again, dependence is where I find that I need to position myself. I think of how yesterday at a thrift shop my youngest brought me an upwards new testament he wanted to buy- he just loves to hear the Word of God. Oh if I can be like this child in willing to sit at the feet and soak in the fathers word and live a life of dependence and obedience. pressing on until next time.

too much time in the throne room

Last week I wrote of dancing around the throne with a plunger- little did I know that it was a prequil to a week of events. I was again invited to dance with dish detergent on Thursday and it was soo fun that I jumped at another chance Thursday evening. At that point I thought I was done and was VERY fine with the thought of time away.

Early Sunday morning I found that my time was not done, this time it was a call to a dance with agony. Stones, pebbles and rocks- all things we don't think much about - least wise I don't. I kick them, throw them, step on them and think little about their composition or make up. Ocassionally I will see a rock broken open to display a hidden beauty of crystals. Still I don't give alot of thought to them.

Yesterday morning as I realized my slight pain was not the start of a UTI but was rearing up to a kidney stone's cruise to Bladderland I thought alot about stones and crystals. Having passed a few before I knew what to expect, and wasn't looking forward to it. This was worse. I have birthed 4 babies, all without the modern drugs and helps, rather lots of breathing and pushing. So I breathed and pushed and moaned, still no baby. No relief from the pain, it seemed to just get worse.

It gave me time to reflect on the difference between birthing a baby and a stone. With a baby the pain comes in waves and if you have a monitor someone can prep you for the oncoming event. You know there is an end in sight and what the end will be. With a stone the pain comes and lingers and lodges and stays and then diminishes only to come again without a wonderful reward at the end.

Having forgone the trip to the hospital in the past, though the doc told me I should have gone I again was hesitant to go to a sterile place to agonize in public for the birth of my stone. Yet after enough craziness and laying out on the lawn in agony I went and oh was I glad! It was a short wait to get to the back and the drugs soon followed. I don't do drugs often but when I do need them bring them on- and they did! When the pain began again the hostess served up more drug cocktails to ease the pain- lala land of ease- hey maybe cruising wasn't so bad- as long as you have the cocktails to go with!

After a few hours and a trip to the CAT scan I was told that stone#1 had landed and I was free to go home. My kidney still ached but they assured me it was just irritation from the event. Home to bed and rest- ahh, its good to be home! Rest was not to last as it seemed stone #2 decided to launch himself down the path. Again, good drugs, thanks for the Rx doc, and I was a more comfortable hostess. It seems relaxing is one of the keys to hosting a stone party, so I settled in with my heating pad and a good book.

When the cruise was over I even had a prize to shake in my culture jar- a stone to analyze and understand why I was selected to host stone cruises!

I am hoping this is the end of the adventures for my week. Dancing and cruizing has worn me out (maybe the drugs have scrambled my brain a bit too). I am taking a slow day to rest and recoup. The drugs are packed away for another day, hopefully far in the future and the dishsoap is restocked lest the dance is called for again.

Loving the internet tonight !

It has been an exciting 24 hours at our house.

Last night on a whim our son was sent under the house to check for leaks. Why? Just because we've had enough dripping adventure in our underworld to make us wary. And unfortunately he came back quickly with report of a spraying connection.

The adventure began as dear hubby unpacked his Home Depot/Lowe's plumbing department annex and found the right pieces and manuvered his way between stairs and through the shortcut to the underworld. Less than an hour later the master pipe sweater emerged wet, dirty and triumphant to have stayed the spray once again.

Have I wrote about how great he is- he has replumbed the underside of the house in copper when we found that the low grade pipe was pitted and dripping all over. He replaced the hot water heater and then went on to help a neighbor do the same. He is a handy hubby. He would love to rest yet the house keeps falling apart around him and calling him back for his attention. He is one who likes things done right so he is slowly but surely making the needed repairs and fixing the problems that where in the past the trouble spots were "fixed" but not truly repaired. He is a trooper.

Tonight, with the recent memory of plumbing panic in my mind I set to clear the organic material from an upstairs recepticle. It was not wanting to move, having decided it liked the nice round bowl of its inhabitance. I danced and sang and yet it still wanted to stay for the show. I called around for snakes hoping to scare it away, but alas, it seems no snakes reside in our neighborhood. :(

Finally, not wanting to greet my hubby with news of more plumbing drama I turned to the modern day encyclopedia- a google search engine. Alas, first hit was a mile long thread telling me that if I fed my bowl with 3 squirts of dishsoap and waited the next time I danced the guest would leave. For the really reluctant a chaser of hot water would do the trick. So, being the gracious hostess that I was I quickly served up dishsoap and waited. A jig here, a polka there and soon my troubles went down the drain! No chemicals, no burns, no mad dashes to the late night store.

So, tonight I am singing praises for the modern technology that brings answers to my fingertips when I am in desperate need. For all the organic matter that lines the highway of bits and bites tonight the daisy's and green grass shine forth and allow me to see the beauty amidst it all.

So, should you ever find yourself doing the throne room jig- remember 3 squirt and a hot water chaser will set the matter to rest.

Firsts at 44

This week I experienced a first - a painful sunburn in April!

I have realized that I never had a springbreak at the beach so no spring sunexposure in my youth. Little did I expect my Saturday afternoon gardening to bring about a rosy end!

Saturday I enjoyed a morning of soccer and yard saling. After returning home I decided to delve into the dirt. I have a raised bed garden but wanted a few more beds to plant in after last years' sucess. I had constructed the beds last week but they were yet to be filled. So I began to move bags of vermicullite and peat moss around and I found that my comfort level was sinking as my temperature rising. I dashed inside, threw on a sport top without sleeves and returned to my gardening. It was a wonderfully warm day- probably in the 80's and so I progressed from setting up beds/ boxes to circulating the compost bin, feeding plants, laying out hoses and on and on. About 3 I found my energy wain and by 4 I was done. So were my shoulders!

Can you say red! Tender and sore I have been for the past two days, but it is ok- my garden plots are ready for seed. Tonight we expect frost- the temp has hovered at 50 today- quite the change from two days ago. I am awaiting the peel, as I am sure it is to come. My lotion spreading bear is off to the mid west for a few days so I am left dry and a bit achy, but with much to do as I plan plantings and layout of beds and such.

I find that my time in the garden is so renewing. To play in the dirt settles me and gives satisfaction that doesnt come with housework. Maybe it is knowing that I have begun something that will progress, not need redoing in a few hours or days?! I look forward to the spring planting and the blossoms that follow. By mid summer my interest wains to just maintance and by harvest I am happy to see the plants head to the compost bin. I guess that is why I enjoy perrenials so much- stick them in and forget about them mostly. I love the punch of annual color in the flower beds that accentualte the short term color of the perrenial backdrop.

This year I was happy to find some volunteer offshoots of a few plants so I transplanted them to new locations to make a go at independent life. My mystery winter bloomer has finally been identified- it is a hellebores- though its blooms tend to be more light green than the rose or white shown in the books. Still I am happy to know its name.

I am contemplating what to do with the many vines that are around the house. One that is fairly aggressive climbs near the back porch door. We discovered a light under it when we first arrived and gave it the first "vinecut". After a year of watching it and trimming hard it just keeps going but not where I am wanting. I am not sure I am wanting to build more trellis so it may be time for a transplanting. Just not sure where the new home will be yet.

Last year I added a few small beds to the borders of the house and fence- just simple arrangements to add a bit of color and interest to an empty wall and corner. They seem to have taken well as the hostas have returned and now other plants are coming up. I am finding it fun to add a few plants here and there and establish plantings where there was once bareness. Paul dug a big hole and needed a place for the dirt to go so I am beginning to start a few spots under my favorite trees- front and back yard. I love hostas and impatients, so we'll see if I can get them to take root and settle into the new beds.

So, spring has come to Toney, complete with a false start and towels and sheets decorating the yard to show that I was too anxious to wait! With joy I watch the world awaken for another celebration of the beauty that tells of its wonderful Creator.

Happy Spring!

Dependency

This seems to have been a month of learning to be dependent. Not independent, not co-dependent but dependent.

I recall when the military did away with such an unpopular term- I was no longer "dependent" upon my sponsor (husband) but was now a family member. The name change did not change the reality that I was still dependent upon his wage earnings for daily sustanance. I chuckled within at the time of the lingo change.

As much as I acknowledge my dependence upon my husband there is a part of be that prickles at the thought of dependence. I want to be independent (at least in some ways) I find that part of me wants to make it on my own and survive well, but that seems to be impossible. That is a good thing.

God did not create me for independence. He created me for dependency upon Him. If I was able to make my life on my own I would not need Him and I would miss out on some of the greatest adventures of my life. Dependency is not easy, it is one of the most challenging things I am called to do. To give up my self and lay down my will for His. I battle against it, I fear letting go of control, fear trusting that another can take care of me. Yet He stands waiting and watching as I do my independent mess dance, until I come to the end of myself and surrender.

Fear has been one of the battles that has raged in my life in the past weeks. Fear of trust, fear of hurts and pain and old wounds reopening, old paths feared to be walked upon. I found that once I left the peace of trust and dependence "fear" was all too willing to take up residence and rage out of control. How hard it was to reign the fear in and remember Truth as I allowed "fear" to reign.

I generally don't think of myself as a worrier or fearful, but I think that is only because I don't really, truly look in the mirror of my life with clear glasses. When in the mirror I saw the truth of my heart and life it was ugly with fear. I had to acknowledge that though I say "I trust and don't fear", my actions do not always follow my words.

I went to a retreat where the words "faith" and "trust" continued to come up. Each one slowly building a defense against "fear" and "worry", knocking it down and replacing it with the truth of who God is, and how He is able to care for me and my needs. Reality was restored. My vision reset and sanity of mind returned. Ahhh, it felt good after spinning out of control.

I always chuckle at the ways God teaches and prepares me for what lies ahead. I wrestled with fear and then learned anew about facing it and trusting Him and others. That He is big enough, He is aware, He IS a strong tower to run to.

Since then I have realized a new area where I was operating in fear and made a conscious choice to operate in faith instead. To choose to honestly face my fear rather than deny its existence and yet allow it to reign over me.

Most recently another adventure in our house was revealed and my first response after shock was anger and then fear. As I shared of our discovery I renewed my "stinkin thinkin" with the reminder to myself that all things are filtered through the hands of God. That He has us on His potter's wheel and is using this house to spin us and center us dependent upon Him, to shape us into His image and mold us for His purpose. Just as He has used a donkey to get one prophets' attention in the Bible he can choose to use whatever he'd like to get ours. Even as he used a hot water heater to connect us with a neighbor He seems to be using this house to keep us dependent and needy before Him.

So, again I find myself dependent and needy. Hopeful and trusting, yet wrestling with my fear as it tries to reign instead of faith. I am positioning myself in a posture of dependence and hope in my Lord, as I know all this is too big for me. Now I wait with expectation as to how He will care for me in the midst of this season.





Yesterday I was encouraged by the sermon, it spoke of "Staying the Course"- enduring and perseverence- staying under the weight, standing up under the pressure. It was encouraging to remember that God uses life circumstances to draw us to Him, to grow our faith and grow us up.

I have been encouraged that in the past two weeks amidst conversations with neighbors I had three different ones remind me that we are NOT allowed to move without their permission! When I told my Bear about it he said "how is that relationship thing going??" I guess its going if the neighbors want us to stay.

Actually I love this location and the house is pretty cool if we overlook the little things like mushy wood and missing boards that are hidden under pretty. Actually if we were "normal" homeowners it probalby wouldn't be an issue, but we are wired for doing and we notice the stuff that others don't until its much worse. Ahh well, even as He wired us He has allowed that wiring to be used to keep us needy and honest and human and humble before Him- what an amazing God we serve.